My Testimony

When I was younger, I would sit in church and hear all of these incredible redemption stories that usually included deliverance from addiction or just really awful things that happened before someone finally found God - and/or realized that He was there all along.  They were stories of healing, forgiveness, and lives forever changed.  While I was grateful to have not experienced those moments before asking God into my heart, I felt like my story really wasn't powerful at all.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

My testimony is just that:  It's the fact that I've grown up knowing and loving the Lord, which set my life on a completely different track from where it could have gone.

After knowing me, several people have said that they were surprised that I'd gone through so much, because my face tends to show nothing but joy.  That joy is 100% from God, and it was placed in my heart after facing a tragedy when I was 14.  My parents split up.  My dad had met someone else with kids, and they had become his family - leaving us behind.  At the time, this was the worst thing I had experienced in my young 14 years, and I was completely crushed.  Growing up, I was a daddy's girl through and through and all of that was gone.  I felt more alone than ever before and I was so angry at him, and at God for allowing this to happen.

One afternoon, while completely alone in our new apartment, I finally hit a breaking point and just cried my eyes out before actually yelling at God.  Doubting Him, I said, "Why did you let this happen?  I am alone and for the first time I don't feel you here either.  I need to feel that you're here now more than ever!"  I cried even harder and fell to my knees, begging God to show me He was real in that moment.

What happened next was what set my heart on complete fire for God, and has literally carried me through every bad day and every heartbreaking experienced I've faced.

On my knees in the living room floor, crying enough tears to fill an ocean, I felt arms wrap around me and I was being held.  I was filled with this overwhelming sense of joy and love, and my tears began to take on a new meaning.  I knew in that moment that God was real, and I was so incredibly loved by Him. No matter what I would face, He would be there holding me up.  God the Father, showed up in true form for me right when I needed Him to.

I have carried what I learned that day through everything I've faced in life.

Raped and left feeling empty, I was filled with God's love, peace, and was wholly restored.
Knife to my side and hand to my throat, I closed my eyes trusting that God would tell me when to move, and He did.
Divorced with a feeling of being unworthy and unloved, He showed me I was valuable and brought healing, forgiveness, and restoration.

The only constant and consistent thing in my life has been the love of God.  I am grateful for that one moment, which has become my testimony, because it gave me the strength to forgive, to move forward, and to have so much joy through every inch of pain.

-jennilea

"Where the hoes at?!"

The room was dark and the music was loud at the most recent concert I went to. A group of hip-hop artists had just finished performing and the DJ working alongside the headlining artist took the stage. He started playing music to really get the crowd going. It worked. They were dancing and having a ton of fun. For me, the fun ended shortly after.

The room began to fill with the smell of weed, and just before announcing the headlining artist, the DJ yelled "Hold up, hold up." The music stopped. He continued on, "Where the hoes at?" The room quickly filled with a roar of cheer and applause from women - as if being a ho is something to be proud of. The definition of a ho is literally "prostitute" - Is that how you want to be treated? Is that truly how you see yourself? These men don't even know you - but they literally referred to a room full of women...a room full of their fans, as hoes? From there, they continued to shout things such as "Let's hear from all the ladies who left their boyfriends and home tonight so they can f*** with us." Again, the room filled with cheering, and I was left with an uneasy heart.

If I could scream it to every single woman in that building, I would - but since I can't just jump on stage, I'm going to use this platform instead. Please listen to me when I say to you YOU ARE VALUABLE. There is no one in this world, no matter how famous, who should be allowed to disrespect you by calling you any sort of derogatory term. You scream and jump at the opportunity to engage in those activities the artist raps about - but I am telling you now, if he is going to refer to you as a ho, then that is most definitely how you'll be treated. Just another city they performed in. Just another number. Just another girl he was able to hook up with and never see again. If that's worth it to you, then you are so much more broken than I could have ever imagined.

Aren't we better than that?

Yes. The answer to that question is yes. Instead of a room full of cheering, those men disrespectful boys should have been booed off stage.

Maybe it's a culture thing. But hip-hop culture doesn't have to be this way. We've got artists like Lecrae, Andy Mineo, NF, Izreal Graham - where their content isn't just about what's "hot" or "cool" by society's standards or based on what will bring in a quick paycheck. Where success isn't based off of who can get away with being disrespectful - and their words contain more weight than that of cursing and talking down to an entire group of people:

"But I know these people greater than the songs they created
It's little homies in the hood regurgitating
And everybody watching, thinking that you made it
The truth is for a few designer labels and a little bit of paper
Now you twelve years slaving
Hey, but you ain't Lupita so why you beat up and pushing people
To lean on the devil copping a seizure
It sound like you put your feet up
You still a slave and money can't buy you freedom"
Lecrae // Nuthin

"...they come to my shows with tears in they eyes
Imagine someone looking at you and saying your music's the reason that they are alive."
NF // Therapy Session

"Years later lust changed into sex no more love just goals to forget
gotta couple sins that I need to confess
supposed to be more mature bit it hurts no less
more years, same flesh, lots of fish up in the sea get caught in the same net
There's only one safe sex when your mind, soul, spirit, and the savior connects."
Izreal Graham featured on Justin Smith Williams track // Like I Love You

"I'm back and forth like a tug of war
I've been fighting for my life, like I'm trying to get right and I really want more, and I don't know
Back and forth like a tug of war
And I've been fighting for control, and fighting for my soul this is war"
Andy Mineo // Tug of War

These lyrics mean something. They meet you where you are, they tell a story, they lift you up, they make a difference...they make change - yet we glorify the garbage we are fed each day by every news outlet, TV show, movie...

Music is powerful because it connects with people in such a special way that invokes change.  It's time to speak life into this generation and every generation after, respecting ourselves and each other so we know without a doubt that we are worthy of something real.

Here is where you may not agree with me, and that's okay - but to me, the biggest proof of our value is the cost Christ paid for us on the cross. Even if it were just for you, He would have made that same decision because you are worth it. Even in our imperfection, God sees us as worthy.

John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."

There is no greater love out there than what the King of all kings did for us on the cross. Now pick up your crown, princess, and wear it with dignity. Expect nothing less than respect and honor from anyone in this world.

Men - be better than what society is telling you that you have to be. It's not okay to disrespect women - or anyone for that matter. We are all valuable and we deserve so much more than what our culture is teaching us.

One more time, in hopes to truly drive this home for you: You are valuable. Expect others to treat you as such.

-jennilea

My Own Doppelgänger

"Eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgänger, these completely different people who just happen to look like us" - Ted Mosby

I've said this once, and I'm going to go ahead and say it again: I can relate everything in life to How I Met Your Mother, so here we go!

Four years ago, I started this blog to document my Day Zero Project. A coworker helped come up with my incredibly clever blog name based off of my last name. Thus "Dirty Londré" happened. After my divorce, I decided to keep my last name because, let's face it, it's way cooler than Mitchell. Plus all of my legal documents and accounts had that name, so it just makes things simple. I knew I'd have to ditch the last name sometime though, and I was ready for whenever that time would come (although it's coming much sooner than expected).

I finally have come to a place of wanting to remove it from my blog, which means I needed to come up with a new title. In an effort to try to come up with a simple, easy name, I asked friends on Facebook for there input. Points to those who came up with "ArrudAwakening." My friends are so silly.

One comment from my friend Cyrita left the idea of not defining myself by other people through my blog name. She said that my story is one of redemption and fresh starts. She gave Biblical ideas and really made me think of how I define myself, how others see me, and how I am seen by God.

This brought me to start questioning who I am. I'm not talking

some sort of existential crisis or anything, but more of a pondering on who I am today after coming from out of such a traumatic few years. I know more than anything that I don't want who I am to be defined by what I've been through. I will not be a victim. How do I want to define myself though? Suddenly, it hit me: The best definition for myself is exactly how God would see me. I am valuable, worthy, loved, forgiven...

One of my favorite verses is Matthew 10:31. I held on to it as I came out of the mess that was my marriage and it gave me comfort and healing. "So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." God provides for the sparrows, and how much more are we worth to him than birds? Just as He promises to care for His creation, He cares for us as well. And in those times where I questioned who I was and what I was worth, I found my worth in God.

Four years ago Jennilea was a completely different person from who I am now. I was in a different place facing incredible challenges and learning how to cope in my abusive situation. Present day Jennilea a completely different person who is free and healed; I know who I am - and I know my worth.

So, with a new look and a new name, I introduce you to my blog: Ten31, a place where I share about who I am, the things I've been through, the way God has healed my heart, how He continues to move in my life, and every bit of adventure I get to have.

-jennilea

You Get No Credit: A Short Rant

I had noticed some photos of my ex and I on a few pages, and asked for them to be deleted.  One of the responses I got: "Good or bad it is a part of your life story. If it wasn't for this part of your life you might not have come to where you are today."

NOPE!  He gets absolutely NO credit for where I am today!

I can say that with absolute confidence, because he never encouraged me to do those things I was so passionate about.  Every single day was full of discouragement, put-downs, doubt, and fear.  He doesn't deserve any sort of pat on the back for my accomplishments. 

I understand that this is part of my story.  I absolutely own that this is part of my story, but that doesn't mean it is something I want or need to be reminded of.  In those photos, I don't see great memories.  I see a girl who is trying her best to put on a happy face, while hiding from the world that she is terrified he might hit her again - or worse.  In our wedding photos, I see someone full of hope who will very quickly come to see that every last vow made to her will be broken.  The only thing he can have credit for is giving me a world of experience that I absolutely should not have had.

Here are the facts: If it were not for my strength to leave an abusive relationship, my resilience, my faith in who God is, my desire to push harder than ever to pursue my dreams; if it were not for my hard work I would not be where I am today!   

It is a complete miracle that I didn't get lost in my situation, which I credit completely to God in that He gave me the courage to push forward, to heal, and to go after the desires of my heart.  

I am sure this comment was not meant to be taken as I have taken it, but please understand that what you said does not help what I've been through; it waters down and sugarcoats the situation.  There is no sugarcoating in abuse.

In related news: Normally I like to give a fun fact here - but in "feeling the room" I am going to give a not so fun national statistic: "Domestic victimization is correlated with a higher rate of depression and suicidal behavior."  I am so incredibly grateful to have not experienced these things.  Restating what I said earlier, it is absolutely by my faith in God that I did not get lost in what happened to me.  

For more statistics, visit the website for National Coalition Against Domestic Violence website here.

-jennilea

Purpose

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why." 

- Mark Twain

I've heard this quote many times before, but these words didn't mean much to me until I heard them again just a few weeks ago.

In 2010, God put a desire on my heart to put a youth conference together called Fuel the Fire.  After almost a year of fundraising, booking, scheduling, practicing, promoting, etc. the event finally came together.  We had over 500 people attend from all over California.  75 dedicated their lives to God that night.  The altar was filled with countless people who had a life changing experience that night.  At that point in my life, I really wanted to be on stage - singing for Jesus, not working behind the scenes.  However, this night changed everything. 

During altar call, I went to the back of the building we were using to just take in what God was doing that night.  I took this photo in complete awe at what He has used me for.  This event was bigger than anything I could have ever imagined; it had a real impact on lives - bringing people closer to who God wanted them to be.

Right after taking this photo, I realized what God wanted me to do.  Suddenly, putting events together had become my passion.  I especially loved booking and promoting. 

In the middle of my paramedic program at ARC, I switched to a major that would bring me closer to doing what I had become so passionate about:  Music Business. 

I was starting over - but it was completely okay because I knew where I was going.  I didn't exactly know how God had planned for me to get there - but I knew He had it covered.

Fast forward 5 years:  Just a few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to bring Air1 to the My City youth conference at Capital Christian.  During Hillsong Young and Free's worship set, I decided to snap a few photos of the event to add to our social media.  After taking this photo, I looked at it and had a moment of realization:  I'm right where God wants me to be - Doing the exact thing he had set a fire in me to do.  I am blessed with the opportunity to be used by Him daily in a full time ministry - working with music, connecting with people, and being led by God to make a difference in the lives of our listeners.

I feel such peace and joy;  I feel overwhelmingly blessed to be able to do something I am so incredibly passionate about - knowing I am right where He wants me to be.

God has such an incredible purpose for each of our lives.  There are no words to describe the feeling of knowing what that purpose is - and this is only the beginning of the wonderful things He is doing in my life.

On that note, I leave you with my favorite verse:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. " -Jeremiah 29:11 

-jennilea

Cryfest - I Love My Job.

So I have the best job ever.  Over the last 3 weeks, I've been training in my new position as a Promotions Manager at K-LOVE and Air1.  It's still surreal to me that I am already in my dream job...my last place of employment (God willing).  This was the desire of my heart and God absolutely delivered!  Everyday, I get to wake up, happily go to work, and serve God through a ministry that has such a huge impact on the lives of our listeners - and on the lives of all of the wonderful people who work behind the scenes.

What are my duties?  I came from the Run-TNC Listener Services night crew, where I had the opportunity to take call after call from our listeners, and now I get to meet with them face to face at events.  We plan and schedule events we are attending, create spots, do giveaways, run social media (at this time, I encourage you to follow @air1norcal and @klovenorcal on Instagram), and so much more.  My favorite part though is that we connect with really incredible people.

Each month, all employees get together for a team meeting (field employees watch online).  At these team meetings, there is often worship, fun, and stories that we otherwise wouldn't hear.  The videos are made extremely well - and the stories are touching and often intense.  So much so that I end up crying at literally every one of them.  Without fail.  I don't cry often at all...so it's actually a little refreshing to be part of this cryfest.

What I love most are the things that make me cry though.  I love the stories, and the opportunity to pray and praise God for what He is doing in my life and through our ministry.  Immediately after the meeting, I posted the following to Instagram:

I just got out of our monthly team meeting/cryfest and I am just in awe. The things God is doing through K-LOVE and Air1 just amaze me...and I get to be part of that?! Today we got our photo book, which we get each year - sort of like a year in review thing. These aren't just books though; they are a snapshot of how God has been able to use this ministry in the lives of others. There are outreach and event stories, mentions of new stations and upgrades - but my favorite part is the listener stories. Reading about what God is doing in their lives and how they are being changed is just incredible. As pointed out in our meeting, these books help us to see what is happening all around the world as a result of this ministry. They help us remember our purpose. To wake up each day saying, "Hey God, I'm going to work. How can I serve you today?" I am blessed to be part of something so life-changing, not just for our listeners, but for everyone here at K-LOVE and Air1. ‪#‎ididntdothat‬ ‪#‎Goddidthat‬ ‪#‎bestjobever‬ ‪#‎blessed‬ ‪#‎klove‬ ‪#‎air1‬

I get to wake up every single day to work full time in a ministry.  I don't even have words to describe how fortunate I feel to be part of such a wonderful outreach.  I love and am passionate about every part of this job and can't wait to see how God uses me in this.  I am so grateful.

In other news:  I'd like to address the subject of cyber-bullying.  While it does happen to teens, for the most part, it isn't just limited to them.  Yep - sometimes, adults choose to attack others through their various social media platforms in the form of private messaging, commenting, and even cyber-stalking. Bullying is pretty disgusting no matter where/how it's occurring.  I found a pretty interesting article in Huffington post, explaining the "heartache of bullying" discussing a side that isn't often represented.  A very noteworthy quote:   "In many cases, bullying acts as a coping mechanism and a way to overcompensate for lack of self worth."  There is so much truth in that statement.  You can read more from this article here.

-jennilea

A Very Different Relationship (Officially Official)

For almost a year, I've been single.  It's really weird to think about - but this last year has so been needed!  As I've explained in many a blog post, God has used my singleness to point me back to Him. I've been more focused, and continued to push forward towards where I'm being called.

During that year, I've had a ridiculous amount of support from my family and friends - who have continued to be there for me the entire step of the way.  I've had adventures, the opportunity to grow in my friendships, and to really experience a very different kind of friendship.

Twelve years ago, I met Brian.  He was dreamy.  We built up a friendship, that eventually led to my first [real] relationship on January 19, 2004.  Finally, in October 2004, we called it quits and, after some time, we found a way to develop an awesome friendship.  Since then, he's always had a space in my life as a very good friend - there when I needed him, even when he lived in Mississippi.  Distance never made a difference.  Both of us got married, and out of respect for the marriages - we kept our distance.  When both of those fell apart, we were there for each other.  Our friendship picked up right where it left off;  he was my best friend.  Talking to him was always like therapy - I am pretty sure I worked out most of my issues through those conversations.  The really neat thing about it - he always pointed me back to God.  When I would get nervous about something - or ridiculously frustrated, he encouraged me to pray.  We would read the Bible with each other - and tried our best to dig deeper into what He wanted for our lives.  Eventually, these feelings started to develop again.  It was weird...and out of the blue.  I was enjoying my singleness.  I needed more time.  He was respectful of that - and our friendship never changed.

December rolled around, and something just sort of clicked.  I had peace and was ready to pursue a relationship so, I let him know.  In that awkward, not really sure where to go from here, moment I asked, "sooo...what now?"  He replied, "Give it time - we'll create a memory."  More time, I could do that.  With that time, we carried on as friends, as usual.  Behind the scenes, he was seeking permission to from my parents to date me.  Again - this is not something I've ever experienced in a relationship.  The amount of respect he has for my family and I is just unreal.  For once, both of my parents approved!  My mom has always been a little more conservative in her approval - and has literally never approved of any relationship I've been in.  Her "yes" means the world to me.  My dad has never been given the opportunity to have an opinion, so I'm sure he was pretty happy to have a say.  My dad and Brian get along really well too - which is also awesome.

I patiently waited, wondering when this memory would be made.  Finally, January 19th, we went out to the Melting Pot to celebrate my new job!  Little did I know, we'd be celebrating so much more.  Right when we sat down, he gave me the most perfect card.  It pretty much described our entire friendship - then some sweet writing from him on the inside.  After I finished my card, which ended in making us "officially official" (on the same date we were eleven years ago) - he gave me a box, which held a beautiful heart necklace.

We are one week into the relationship - and it's pretty neat.  Nothing has really changed other than a title.  We continue to grow in God together - keeping our focus on Him being in the center of it all.  We maintain those boundaries, respect each other, and have adventure.

This is a very different type of relationship in that God is involved through and through.  This is how a relationship should be.  :]

In other news: "Butterflies taste with their hind feet."
Find other useless facts online here.

-jennilea

"Congratulations! Your degree has been conferred..."

It's official, friends!  I have graduated from Sac State with a Bachelor's Degree in Communication Studies - focusing on Public Relations!

Leading up to my graduation date, God began doing some really awesome things in my life.  A few weeks before graduation, a position opened up at work for a Promotions Manager.  This is the vary job I began working at K-LOVE and Air1 for and it opened up right as I was in a spot where I would actually qualify for it.  I was definitely more than thrilled that this opportunity had presented itself to me.

I went ahead and applied and, after 6 interviews, I finally got it!

I still haven't quite grasped that fact that I won't be going back to school when everyone else is - or that I am finally going to be in my career.  It's so unreal.  I am blessed.

The really cool thing is that I can see how God has worked in my life over the last few years to bring me here.  In 2010, I was working towards being a delivery nurse, while also working concerts on the side - which I loved!  God gave me this idea for a program called Fuel the Fire - and it really took off!  I was able to get tons of experience in events.  Finally, at the end of the program, during altar call, I stood in the back of the church - watching how God was moving.  I was just in awe of how God had used this program; of how He had used me.  In that moment, everything changed.  I suddenly didn't want to be a delivery nurse - I had to do more of these programs.  I changed my major - changed my priorities - and was fully ready to do another event juts like this, when God totally shut me down simply saying, "not now."  I was devastated, and couldn't understand why I wouldn't be able to do another one of these events the following year as I had planned. The answer is simple:  God's plans are always better than our own.

I really had no idea what He was doing until this job came up - suddenly, everything made sense.  As I was in the interview process for the new position, the part of my resume that stood out the most was that event!  The one I had worked on just over 4 years ago had prepared me with the tools and experience I needed for this position.  In obedience, I left my cozy state job of 7 years to work at the radio station simply because it felt like God said it was time.  I had support from amazing coworkers I wouldn't even realize I needed until I faced my divorce.  I've been able to speak to listeners and hear of what God is doing in their lives.  He's ministered to me through their stories too.  There have been times I've cried right along with them - as we've healed through the same hurts, and expressed joy with them as we celebrated God's love and blessings in our lives.  I've come to know our listeners, the people behind the scenes - who work countless nights to keep this place running, and I've come to know this culture - and I cannot wait to share it with all the people I will be encountering through this new position.

I've really been able to see God's hand in my life throughout the last few years - and how He has developed even the greatest hurts into something beautiful.  Of all things, I do know this:  He is faithful - and knows what's up, even when I can sometimes be horribly confused about where I'm being taken.  :]

Other awesome things - I really don't like reading.  I wish I did, but I have a hard time being patient as I read.  I decided to go ahead and change that - so I joined a book club!  I have finished 2 books this year, and have moved onto a third, written by Nicole De La Cruz, "Hidden Secrets."  I've known Nikki for something like 7 years now - and I have never seen her so incredibly passionate about anything as much as she is about books.  She was finally given the opportunity to be in a place where she can write - and writing she has been doing!  Within just a few short months, she has written this book, which will hopefully be out soon.  It follows the life of Scarlett, who is just learning how to live on her own after ending a terrible relationship.  Things changed a bit when she encounters, Kyle - an adorably sweet British bartender.  I'm about 3 chapters in and love it!  When this book comes out, I definitely encourage you guys to check it out!

In other news:  "Researchers found that couples connected to monitors measuring heart rates and respiration get their heart rate in sync, and they breathe in and out at the same intervals."
Oh, love.  <3  You can read more about this on Science Daily. 

-jennilea

I wrote myself a letter nearly 3 years ago...

In my Day Zero Project, I had challenged myself to write a letter and open it after my project.  I am so happy I did this:

Dear future Jenni,

You are probably just as awesome now as you were in 2012.  I hope you don't have kids yet, because there are still things to do and future me will slap you.  I hope you completed the list - it is a lot to do, but completely worth it!  Congrats on you AA!  Keep working hard at Sac State and graduate soon!  None of this 5 years at Sac State crap.  Graduate and move on!  Now that your 1001 days is over, complete any goals you may not have finished - hopefully there will be none left.  Keep traveling.  Next big trip...Italy only.  Keep exploring.  Do as much as you can before officially settling down.  Is How I Met Your Mother still on?  That show will remain awesome forever.  The most important thing over the next 2.75 years is that your relationship with God grows.  Never stop growing in Him - because He is pretty awesome.  Depend on Him - ALWAYS!  I hope nothing difficult is bringing you down, and if it is, you will get through it.  Hang onto the lifeline of Jesus Christ.  Keep on keepin' on and stay awesome.  Say "hi" to Steven and Jadelynn for you.  Wow - Jadelynn is like 9 by now - weird.  And you are 24 - and Steven is 28.  Crazy!!!  Have fun times, future Jenni.

<3 Past Jenni

Well, some things never change.   For example, I'm still awesome.  Ha!  

There are many things in this letter to comment on.  First, I had a detail wrong.  Steven is 29, not 28.  

Next, past me was right on the money about not having kids yet.  Later in the letter when past me says "before officially settling down," I was also referring to having children.  My mind is still on that same thought.  There are so many things to do - and I definitely have wanderlust still...and, of course, I am slightly less married than I was when I wrote this letter.  

Past me congratulated future me on my AA - even writing this before I was done at ARC, so that was neat.  I also like that I told myself to push through Sac State - which I've been doing.  I graduate in December, after attending Sac state for only 3 semesters, so I didn't let myself down there.

Next, past me told future me to go to Italy next - and used the word "only" because I tend to overbook my life (as many already know), and I really want to enjoy this trip.  Interestingly enough, a few months ago, I made the decision to go to Italy this coming summer!  It's my graduation gift to myself. :]

Of course past me would mention How I Met Your Mother - It's still my favorite show, even though it's over now.

Finally - past me told future me to always rely on God.  That never changed.  Even in going through the hardest points in my life, I never stopped relying on Him to carry me though.  

The interesting thing here is that, though none of you may pick up on it, even in this letter - in this time, I was very uncertain on my relationship.  When past me said "I hope nothing difficult is bringing you down,"  This was code for saying I hoped my husband had really quit drinking, wasn't being abusive, and that everything would finally be how a marriage was supposed to be.  We never got there - but that's okay.  I've turned into a stronger person.  Over the last 2.75 years, I grew fearless in an entirely different way:  I became fearless enough to leave my unhealthy marriage and seek more for myself. 

Going through this letter was definitely a neat experience.  

In other news, there is a city in Turkey called "Batman."

Find more So True Facts online here.

-jennilea

Welcome to the new normal!

Six months ago, I wrote a blog called Transparency: This will explain a lot.  This was a huge deal for me, because it was the first time I opened up about the experiences I've had with domestic violence and infidelity.  Being a pretty private person (when it comes to my personal life/relationships), it was incredibly hard to let all of this out.  That being said, I can honestly say that I've never regretted the decision I made to tell all of you lovely people what happened.  It helped me feel heard.  It helped me feel like I wasn't going crazy.  As I wrote down and relived some of the worst moments of my life - it helped me come to terms with what happened.  It helped me heal.

Recently, domestic violence has been a hot topic in NFL news; While it is unfortunate it's had to come up in such a way, I sure am happy that it's opened up some sort of conversation.  What really stood out to me in all of this though, it the amount of backlash people who stay in abusive relationships received.  Yes - it's not the best idea, and most people don't want to or enjoy being slapped around - but I guarantee it is hardly ever as simple as just leaving.  Every person has a story - a situation you may not know anything about.  

With the backlash came a campaign that I was able to really get behind.  #WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft began trending on Twitter, where several women shared their stories in 140 characters or less.  This built an incredible community of support and encouragement.  I wasn't alone.  None of us were.  Furthermore, we weren't victims, we were overcomers.  

My contribution to the campaign:

I separated who he was when he drank & who he was when sober.I didn't want to be a failure if there was a chance this wasn't him #whyistayed  

I realized I am valuable. #whyileft

The freedom I felt in writing this is indescribable. The community and support received was amazing.

Six months ago, I started my blog off by saying: "One day, I know I will wake up and feel normal, but until then, I will keep pressing on, living life, feeling, trusting God, and having as much adventure as possible."

When I wrote these words, I had no idea what "normal" meant.  I didn't realize it, but in that moment, I connected that feeling with how I felt with the ex. If that is feeling "normal," then praise God I will never feel "normal" again!  Welcome to the "new normal," Jennilea!  It is far better than I could have ever imagined.  I feel like "me" again.  Excited, happy, driven, determined, adventurous, peace, joy, laughter, and completely - 100% healed!  My heart has been stitched back together and is held so intensely by the love of Jesus.  I also refuse to accept the "victim" title.  Nope.  I am an overcomer, and I am awesome.   

Finally:  I have completed my Day Zero Project!  101 things completed in 1001 days and I could not be more proud!  I had the wonderful opportunity to experience and learn so much.  I also had the opportunity to open up a letter I had written for myself when I first began this challenge.  I will be sharing that letter, the last few experiences, and what I've learned in the next few blogs I post - so keep checking back!

In other news: Deviating from my normal "fun" fact, I feel it is only fitting to mention that if you or someone you know is in an (emotionally, verbally, psychologically, or physically) abusive relationship, I encourage you to check out The National Domestic Violence Hotline.  They are available 24/7 and can get you help.  Staying is never your only option.

-jennilea

Experiencing Happiness!

90 things done - 73 days remaining:  http://dayzeroproject.com/user/jennileam/list/43740.

Recently, I've lit fireworks (thanks to Bri and Jimmy for that), rode the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland, and got my pup!  

This is Cobie - and he is absolutely perfect.  People told me that having a puppy would be a hard thing, but it really is not as bad as they made it sound - which is wonderful.  

I've learned pretty quickly that a puppy is as good as you train it to be.  He needs to be set up for success.  It's like having a child.  You don't leave your kids around things they can destroy or hurt themselves with, and when you do see them get into the wrong things, you correct it.  I take Cobie with me everywhere!  He loves people, and does really well around the animals he has met, so far.

We play a lot!  He is extremely active, and that keeps me active.  He loves cuddles, and since my life is now lacking that, I do not mind cuddling him.  HA!  We have training sessions each day and he is excelling in "stay" and "sit."  As he begins puppy classes, I hope he learns more just as quickly as he has picked up the first two commands.  We have a mini grooming session each day too, which consists of cleaning his ears, brushing his teeth, brushing his fur, and touching his eyes, paws, and gums so he gets used to that sort of thing for his vet and future groomer.  Yep...definitely like having a kid.  He is perfect.

I've got 11 more things to complete - including the need to add 1 more item to my list - so bring on the ideas!

Next topic:  Happiness.

I was hanging out with a friend, when a guy came up smelling completely of alcohol.  I am positive the man is an alcoholic (confirmed by the same friend).  The smell is sickening and all too familiar.  That smell, the craziness of that lifestyle - it's no longer part of my life.  I'm free.  I found that I don't need to place my worth in people, and instead find it in God.  The fact that, to Him, I am worth dying for.

I no longer have to search hard to find something to make me smile.  Happy things are all around.  I can breathe without fear.  I no longer feel sadness over my situation, but instead hope for what is coming.  My heart is healing and God is helping me rebuild and giving me perfect peace.  I am rediscovering things I am passionate about and working hard to achieve my goals.  I have the love and support of tons of amazing friends and family members.

In short, I am experiencing happiness.  Not fake, smile just to get through the day, happiness - but real honest excitement for life and for my future.

Life is beautiful.

In other news:  "You breathe on average about 5 million times a year."

(Read more cool facts here.)

-jennilea

Putting the Pieces Back Together

There is not much this week for my goals, but I finally began working on my puzzle again. I thought I was missing a few border pieces (after my Cat's killed my puzzle), so I searched the box for more pieces, and were unable to find them.  I began counting, to ensure that we had all 1000 pieces and reworked the border to see if I had done anything wrong. It turns out I had put a few pieces together incorrectly.  Problem solved.  This puzzle is much more difficult than the last ones I did.  A lot of the colors are very similar.

After about a month off, I am finally running again.  The first time, I was on a treadmill and only did two miles.  It is so much more difficult on a treadmill!  Wednesday, I headed outside and did 4.6 miles!  It felt great!  I would have gone further, but needed to lift weights too, so there was not enough time to go further.  Next run, I hope to hit seven miles (or more).  I can't believe how close I am to the half marathon.

My dad's birthday was on Friday, so I decided to take him skydiving!  He had no idea what we were going to do, so it was pretty exciting.  On Saturday, I had him meet me at my office, and we headed over.  As we got off the freeway, we could see the skydiving signs.  The look on his face when he realized what we were doing - his smile - priceless.  I love seeing my dad happy! Jessica was also with us, and this was her first time skydiving too!  It turns out it was -10 degrees F at 14,000 feet.  Absolutely freezing!  They gave us gloves and put us in cool little suits to help keep us warm.  My dad was the first one to jump.  It was weird watching him fall out.  I knew he would enjoy it.  My turn came up shortly after.  Not before Batman (my skydiving instructor), told a few awesome jokes:  What is the hardest part of skydiving - the ground.  Dyyying. By now, you should all know I am a fan of bad jokes.  Finally, we got to the door, and headed out!  The moment is always weird falling out, because you have to get used to breathing with all of that wind.  At 120 miles per hour, we were free falling for one minute, the shoot opened, and we glided (for four minutes) back to the ground.  I was able to steer, which was fun, but a little insane, because I was loosing the feeling in my fingertips from the cold.  By the time we made it down, I could hardly feel them.  It was another great trip!  If you ever choose to go skydiving, the Parachute Center is awesome.  I highly recommend Batman or Dan from New Zealand as your skydiving instructor. If you are going for the first time, request Cory Hall for your video or photos. He did mine and my dad's photos and video.  Both of them turned out amazing!

This weekend, I had a lesson in listening to God.  It was actually pretty amazing.  At The Open Door, a youth program that  I assist with, my friend, Aly (YouthQuake AD), shared of a time when she was feeling sad, and God told her to smile at the next person she sees.  She was not feeling like it, but did it anyway.  The man she smiled at turned around and asked if she knew Jesus.  He said he could see God all over her.  Absolutely amazing.  During this show, I had felt that God was telling me to mend a broken relationship by walking over to someone, hugging, and just giving love.  After much debate with God, I finally did it.  A relationship was repaired that night with love.  It felt great.  <3

I am prepping for our college group this week, and the focus is about tradition.  We often let our traditions get in the way of an actual relationship, and can sometimes keep us from really following what God says.  Sometimes, we may not even notice it.  It is interesting that this is the focus, because I had just been thinking about this subject in regard to prayer after I prayed over our dinner tonight.  I am used to praying over dinner, but am I really talking to God, or am I just doing it because I am used to it?  I really feel like 2013 is going to be a year of development.  

Finally, I want to feature Bucket List Publications.  This is a site I stumbled upon through Instagram.  This is an online magazine that is a lifetime worth of experiences.  This couple has devoted their lives to adventure and experiencing new things.  Check it out.  They are doing some amazing things.

In other news:  "All the pandas in the world come from China. When a baby panda is born, by agreement, it is sent back to China via FedEx."
(Follow UberFacts on Twitter)

-jennilea