My Own Doppelgänger

"Eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgänger, these completely different people who just happen to look like us" - Ted Mosby

I've said this once, and I'm going to go ahead and say it again: I can relate everything in life to How I Met Your Mother, so here we go!

Four years ago, I started this blog to document my Day Zero Project. A coworker helped come up with my incredibly clever blog name based off of my last name. Thus "Dirty Londré" happened. After my divorce, I decided to keep my last name because, let's face it, it's way cooler than Mitchell. Plus all of my legal documents and accounts had that name, so it just makes things simple. I knew I'd have to ditch the last name sometime though, and I was ready for whenever that time would come (although it's coming much sooner than expected).

I finally have come to a place of wanting to remove it from my blog, which means I needed to come up with a new title. In an effort to try to come up with a simple, easy name, I asked friends on Facebook for there input. Points to those who came up with "ArrudAwakening." My friends are so silly.

One comment from my friend Cyrita left the idea of not defining myself by other people through my blog name. She said that my story is one of redemption and fresh starts. She gave Biblical ideas and really made me think of how I define myself, how others see me, and how I am seen by God.

This brought me to start questioning who I am. I'm not talking

some sort of existential crisis or anything, but more of a pondering on who I am today after coming from out of such a traumatic few years. I know more than anything that I don't want who I am to be defined by what I've been through. I will not be a victim. How do I want to define myself though? Suddenly, it hit me: The best definition for myself is exactly how God would see me. I am valuable, worthy, loved, forgiven...

One of my favorite verses is Matthew 10:31. I held on to it as I came out of the mess that was my marriage and it gave me comfort and healing. "So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." God provides for the sparrows, and how much more are we worth to him than birds? Just as He promises to care for His creation, He cares for us as well. And in those times where I questioned who I was and what I was worth, I found my worth in God.

Four years ago Jennilea was a completely different person from who I am now. I was in a different place facing incredible challenges and learning how to cope in my abusive situation. Present day Jennilea a completely different person who is free and healed; I know who I am - and I know my worth.

So, with a new look and a new name, I introduce you to my blog: Ten31, a place where I share about who I am, the things I've been through, the way God has healed my heart, how He continues to move in my life, and every bit of adventure I get to have.

-jennilea

We made it to the top!

May 4th was the hike to Horsetail Falls.  We headed out on that early Saturday morning with a goal to make it to the top of the falls.  Right now is a gorgeous time to go because there are so many waterfalls, but we were not sure if we would be able to make it to the top due to the water and how slippery the rocks can be.

There were several points within the hike where our entire group was nearly certain we couldn't make it up.  First, the point we were supposed to cross at had water running over it, so we were going to have to find a new way to make it up.  Then, we encountered a section of rock that was completely slippery.  It would have been just about impossible to make it all the way if the rocks were going to be that slipper.  We sat and watched how other people were able to get around the slippery rocks, and decided to follow the same path.  

Our next challenges would be found in how steep the climb was.  Our simple hike definitely turned into rock climbing.  I was really appreciative of all of my Dungeon training that day, because there is no way I could have pulled myself up without these new muscles!

Finally...we made it...  This is what the very top the of the falls looks like.  

It took us about 2.5 hours to get to the top.  Through all of it, I am so happy that we did not give up!  

After climbing here, we noticed that there are more falls further up!  We are planning another hike sometime soon, and maybe we will find ourselves up higher.

I am happy to be able to cross this off of my Day Zero Project list!  My next hiking goal is to hike Half Dome in Yosemite.  I know nothing about it, but my old supervisor told me to add it to my list, and add it I did!

Other exciting things happened this week as well!  This photo is me, wearing size 7 jeans!  It has been quite a while since I have been able to make size 7 jeans happen.  I am one size away from my goal!  I am pretty sure I will be in these for a while though, because they are still a little tight, but not too tight for me to wear in public.  HA!  Definitely feeling more confident these days, and it is no wonder! 

The Dungeon always keeps me hard at work!  

Speaking of hard work, this is the latest challenge:  The Ultimate Plank!  I feel awkward being on top, but being on the bottom was pretty awesome!  I felt a lot stronger than I thought I was.  Also, I ended up coming home and doing more of these with friend.  You know you enjoy fitness when...

Jamie at The Dungeon has really inspired me to be a better version of me.  I feel healthy, fit, and so much more energy!  Not to mention, I am really loving feeling my new muscles pretty much every chance I get!  HA!  

I am learning so much, and my life is seriously changing every single week!

Not only is she there for fitness, but she is there as a friend.  Jamie literally cares and wants what is best for each and every one of us at the Dungeon.  

We have become family.  We are all in this struggle together and are coming out of it even more hardcore than we were before.

In other news:  There is a zoo in Washington where you can dive with sharks.  I am pretty sure I will be doing that in the near future. 

Stay tuned for more blogging later this week. 

-jennilea

The Breaking Point

Today, I'm going to start with Lifetime Movie Monday!
Title: 12 Hours to Live

My guess: A woman is told (by a psychic) that she is going to die in 12 hours, so she decides to do all the things she has ever wanted to do. She gets crazy, has fun, finds love, and then dies...all in 12 hours...

Actual plot: "Eighteen-year-old Amy is having a bad day. Not only has she been kidnapped by a deranged gunman, but as a diabetic without her insulin, her chances of survival are diminishing with each tick of the clock. FBI agent Megan Saunders isn't walking on sunshine either, since this madman killed her partner when Megan hesitated to pull the trigger. Now Megan won't stop till she nails this guy, but can she save Amy before her time is up?"

Once again, Lifetime has created a ridiculous plot. Ha!

I finished reading "The Lucky One," last week. It was nice to envision Zac Efron as the main character throughout the book. Ha! It was difficult to get into the book, at first, but as I started reading and getting to know the back story of each character, it got much better.  My favorite parts were the flashbacks that Thibault frequently had. I also liked how the author, Nicholas Sparks, wrote the each chapter from the perspective of a specific character. It allows the reader to see the feeling behind the actions.  The book was okay, but not the greatest thing I've read.

This coming weekend, I will go to the library for my next book!

Now, let's get to some Dungeon talk! As many of you know, I've been working out in The Dungeon with Jamie and Josh. Each workout seems to test me like crazy. Last weekend, I hit the breaking point. I was challenged with staying in the squat position while doing 50 reps with arm weights.  The difficult part, if I stood up or sat down at all, I'd have to start all over.  I've done this workout with 30 reps before, and I felt like I hardly made it through those. I definitely failed before hitting 30, so 50 was unimaginable. After failing several times, I got to 43. My Dungeon family was cheering me on, saying I can do it, and offering encouraging words, yet at 43, my legs just dropped. I finally cried. This was the worst feeling of failure. I was so close to the end and tried so hard to push to 50 but I just couldn't.

As I sat on the ground, crying, Josh said "that is the breaking point, and it's a beautiful place to be." At the time, I couldn't understand why it was a beautiful place to be, but shortly after, those words began to have meaning. When I first began, I began feeling tired after the first ten reps and at one point, I was tired after five. In that moment, I had an option to stop and start over while I was still in the beginning of the set, but I pushed on.  I tried, I pushed myself further than I felt I was capable of, I was tired, but determined to make it. When I couldn't make it, I realized I had pushed passed what I thought was my limit and I am much stronger than I had ever believed. With a little more pushing, I will get to that 50.

Jamie walked over to me and said it was okay to cry and to let it out. So, I did, I just cried. She had me do some sprinting and try to control my breathing, then I had to come back, and start all over again. This time, I only made it to 38 before I fell again. I cried so hard. Jamie told me to get up and rep out the last 12, so I did. When I finished, Jamie tooled right in my eyes and said, "I am proud of you. That was tough, but you still went for it. I am proud of you." Those words were golden.

Since then, I've encountered this same challenge. 30 doesn't feel so bad, but 50 is still a challenge - but I have gotten there (tear free).

I love everything I've taken in from this experience. Also, a result update: I've lost 24.5 inches in 5 weeks. :]]

Upcoming, I've decided to add 365 days of Thank You to my list. The goal is to write one letter every day, saying thank you for anything as simple as delivering mail, to more complex and life changing thank yous. This challenge is to encourage growth, development, and to just help me become more grateful for what I have.

Finally, instead of a fun fact, I am leaving you with a verse. I am going through something right now, for which I would love some prayer. This verse just spoke to be and really encourages me when I am in this place of defeat. With God, I am more than a conqueror:

"...in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." (Romans 8:37 NIV)

In the difficult times, I pray we can all find our hope and safety in God. 

-jennilea

So, my cat is using the toilet now...

I haven't posted in over 2 weeks, so there is much to say!  I have completed 4 goals from my Day Zero Project:

I have been practicing juggling, mostly fruit, for several months now.  As of October 26th, I have decided that I can officially juggle!  I find that bean bags work best.  I feel awesome.  :]

Next, I began toilet training my cats.  It is tough stuff!  We are using the CitiKitty.  We moved the litter to the CitiKitty and placed it on top of the toilet.  Megatron seems to have taken to it very quickly.  Belle, however, is not liking it.  It is difficult, because we are constantly watching her to make sure that she goes on the toilet instead of the floor.  We are giving treats when they use the toilet, although Belle is getting treats for just jumping onto the toilet.  Slowly, but surely, they will get there.  The only think keeping me pushing forward is thinking about not having a litter box anymore!
Worst experience with this, so far, is when I realized the litter we bought is not able to be flushed...The toilet overflowed at 1am...major mess to clean up.  But, again, this is just one struggle leading to the end of the litter box!  Worth.it.

Another completed goal was to buy bright pants. I know it is silly, but I wanted to buy bright pants because it is just not me!  I was searching for a red pair, but when I came across a pair of green ones, I was sold.  They were super cute, so I bought them, and fulfilled this goal!  Pulling.them.off.

I was able to complete my goal to participate in Adopt-A-Block at the LA Dream Center on 11.3.12.  Jessica and I went to adopt-a-block and assisted with several families in the projects.  We gave them food, diapers, stuffed animals, and played with the kids.  I was fascinated by these kids and how much they knew about the world, and how much they craved a relationship with God.  They were all loving and so welcoming.  They were shocked that I am still in college.  I guess seeing an adult in college is not common in the area, so I encouraged them in school and told them about what college can do for you.  Please pray for these kids.  I pray that, as they continue to grow up, they will never lose their trust in God, passion for life, or their hopes and dreams.  This was definitely an eye opening experience.

50 goals completed!  51 more to go!  696 days left!  I also have one more item to add to the list.  Please feel free to make suggestions.

Subject shift, today, I met with Christina to tour Sac State.  I am really excited to transfer next fall.  Scared, but very excited to see what this change will bring.

Speaking of changes, I will be working with a few music artists in the near future.  More details to follow.

In other news: "You can't inhale through your nose an talk at the same time."
(Follow Uber Facts on Twitter)

Go ahead and try...I did it too...

-jennilea