We don't stop living.

I would like to start off by saying "Thank you!"  Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me in the last month and been encouraging and loving.  Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories with me - even though many of you don't actually know me.  It takes a lot to be that transparent and vulnerable in such a sensitive situation and you have all overwhelmed me with your love, support, and prayers. I am so grateful for each and every one of you.  You have all helped me grow a bit stronger.

So given all of the life changes, I fell into a brief slump where I just didn't want to do literally anything.  One day I woke up and decided that, even though we all face trials, we don't stop living.  It's not an option.  In fact, during the tough times we need to get out there and live more than we did before.  I needed to do things for myself, have adventures, go to class, complete goals on my list...live.

I've done a lot of list things since I made the decision to keep moving forward:

Completed "The Time Traveler's Wife"
Started "Mortal Instruments"
Pointed to a spot on the map and went there (Half Moon Bay)
Drove through the guard shack at Yessica's house without stopping (my rebel phase)
Walked across the Golden Gate Bridge (loved doing this!)
Completed a 1000 piece puzzle:

After attempting to complete a 1000 piece puzzle at least 2 other times, I am proud to have finally finished this one.  It was definitely a lot more challenging than the others, but doing this puzzle was some great alone time.  Actually, working on this puzzle was the first time I really felt okay being alone...so that was kind of a big deal.

Music and puzzles...my escape.  :]

I have now completed 87 of 101 items with 142 days left!  EEK!  I better get to work!

Next, I'd like to address dating.  I've been having sort of a tough time with this subject lately.  One thing I promised myself was no rebounds.  Just me, Jesus, family, and friends.  I don't want to rush into anything.  So, making this clear to the world:  My life just changed in a major way.  I am not dating right now.  Stop asking. Stop assuming.

Along the subject of dating, I've began watching "Boy Meets Girl" from Louie Giglio.  The message in even the first talk was absolutely amazing!  One hour in, and I've come to an even greater sense of my worth and value.  I've learned to grow, mature, and stay in my fortress of intrinsic value before seeking out any relationship.  It is so incredibly important to know your value in God because that value is so much greater than what you will find in any other relationship.

Louie says "Brokenness gives way to restoration.  Wear newness in the midst of our brokenness and healing can come."  Run tell dat, Louie!  Lol.  I am taking those moments of brokenness and letting God change me, heal me, make me whole, and make me new.  I have to say, I am loving all of the amazing things he is doing in my life.  I really do feel value, healing, and change.  I feel happy.

Finally - school is out.  One more semester and then I am done.  Forever.  :]

In other news:  Butterflies range in size from a tiny 1/8 inch to a huge almost 12 inches.

Find more useless facts here.

The Breaking Point

Today, I'm going to start with Lifetime Movie Monday!
Title: 12 Hours to Live

My guess: A woman is told (by a psychic) that she is going to die in 12 hours, so she decides to do all the things she has ever wanted to do. She gets crazy, has fun, finds love, and then dies...all in 12 hours...

Actual plot: "Eighteen-year-old Amy is having a bad day. Not only has she been kidnapped by a deranged gunman, but as a diabetic without her insulin, her chances of survival are diminishing with each tick of the clock. FBI agent Megan Saunders isn't walking on sunshine either, since this madman killed her partner when Megan hesitated to pull the trigger. Now Megan won't stop till she nails this guy, but can she save Amy before her time is up?"

Once again, Lifetime has created a ridiculous plot. Ha!

I finished reading "The Lucky One," last week. It was nice to envision Zac Efron as the main character throughout the book. Ha! It was difficult to get into the book, at first, but as I started reading and getting to know the back story of each character, it got much better.  My favorite parts were the flashbacks that Thibault frequently had. I also liked how the author, Nicholas Sparks, wrote the each chapter from the perspective of a specific character. It allows the reader to see the feeling behind the actions.  The book was okay, but not the greatest thing I've read.

This coming weekend, I will go to the library for my next book!

Now, let's get to some Dungeon talk! As many of you know, I've been working out in The Dungeon with Jamie and Josh. Each workout seems to test me like crazy. Last weekend, I hit the breaking point. I was challenged with staying in the squat position while doing 50 reps with arm weights.  The difficult part, if I stood up or sat down at all, I'd have to start all over.  I've done this workout with 30 reps before, and I felt like I hardly made it through those. I definitely failed before hitting 30, so 50 was unimaginable. After failing several times, I got to 43. My Dungeon family was cheering me on, saying I can do it, and offering encouraging words, yet at 43, my legs just dropped. I finally cried. This was the worst feeling of failure. I was so close to the end and tried so hard to push to 50 but I just couldn't.

As I sat on the ground, crying, Josh said "that is the breaking point, and it's a beautiful place to be." At the time, I couldn't understand why it was a beautiful place to be, but shortly after, those words began to have meaning. When I first began, I began feeling tired after the first ten reps and at one point, I was tired after five. In that moment, I had an option to stop and start over while I was still in the beginning of the set, but I pushed on.  I tried, I pushed myself further than I felt I was capable of, I was tired, but determined to make it. When I couldn't make it, I realized I had pushed passed what I thought was my limit and I am much stronger than I had ever believed. With a little more pushing, I will get to that 50.

Jamie walked over to me and said it was okay to cry and to let it out. So, I did, I just cried. She had me do some sprinting and try to control my breathing, then I had to come back, and start all over again. This time, I only made it to 38 before I fell again. I cried so hard. Jamie told me to get up and rep out the last 12, so I did. When I finished, Jamie tooled right in my eyes and said, "I am proud of you. That was tough, but you still went for it. I am proud of you." Those words were golden.

Since then, I've encountered this same challenge. 30 doesn't feel so bad, but 50 is still a challenge - but I have gotten there (tear free).

I love everything I've taken in from this experience. Also, a result update: I've lost 24.5 inches in 5 weeks. :]]

Upcoming, I've decided to add 365 days of Thank You to my list. The goal is to write one letter every day, saying thank you for anything as simple as delivering mail, to more complex and life changing thank yous. This challenge is to encourage growth, development, and to just help me become more grateful for what I have.

Finally, instead of a fun fact, I am leaving you with a verse. I am going through something right now, for which I would love some prayer. This verse just spoke to be and really encourages me when I am in this place of defeat. With God, I am more than a conqueror:

"...in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." (Romans 8:37 NIV)

In the difficult times, I pray we can all find our hope and safety in God. 

-jennilea