Almost 17 Weeks!

It's been such an exciting time and I think week 16 has been my favorite so far.  I started feeling Baby A move around!  Not huge movements, but movements nonetheless.  It definitely helps things become more real for us, though I'm still waiting for the moment that this will REALLY sink in.

Last week (at exactly 16 weeks), we went to The Baby Connection for an ultrasound where they would determine the gender.  The hardest part is that we didn't get to see much of it.  Why?  It's completely our own fault.  We decided that we want to be surprised along with our extremely close family and friends when we find out the gender at our gender reveal party.  That being said, currently the only person who knows the gender of Baby A is my sister-in-law, Meloney.  Don't try to break her; she's been a great secret keeper thus far.

Luckily for us, the entire ultrasound was placed on a DVD which we are so excited to watch after our gender reveal celebration in just a few weeks. 

Here is what we did get to see though:

• Baby moves around, a lot!  All of that energy no doubt comes from me...not just because I'm physically providing all of it, but it's kind of a personality trait of mine as well. :)
• You can see baby's face on the ultrasound, and it looks like an alien.  So weird.  Haha.  The profile is super neat to see though!
• Baby prays...sort of.  They had us look at the ultrasound in this moment because we can't see the body, and because it looks like baby is praying. How cool is this!?  One of the things Brian and I (and anyone with our prayer list) have been praying for is that baby would have a passion and heart for serving God.  Seeing this makes me so excited for the hopes, dreams, and lots of prayers that we have for the future of Baby A. Feel free in joining us in prayer for baby.

Another update for the week is that I think my belly is finally starting to show a little!  I'll take a photo on Friday when I'm officially at 17 weeks, but my pants are definitely at a point where they are getting tight but at the same time maternity pants are still too big. A few people have suggested bands that help extend the pants I've got now, so I'm thinking I may go that route in the next week or so.

I'd like to end this blog with a question for Moms:  What style of maternity pants did you find more comfortable, and where did you get them from?

-jennilea

Grateful

For the first time in my life, I've struggled to find things to be grateful for while facing some very dark times. 

I've struggled in processing through pain, and have not trusted God with the hurts I was facing. I got stuck in bitterness, anger, sadness, anxiety...I was depressed. It was the most terrifying place to be in because I didn't know if or when it would end. 

Something happened to someone very special to me. The worst possible thing I could have ever imagined. When I experience tough things, my outlet is to write about it, but this isn't my story to tell. So how do I process through the most heartbreaking news when I can't even talk about it? How can things ever be made right after tragedy? And why the heck are all the bad things deciding to happen all at the same time?

The weight of it all is so heavy. It hurts and I feel like I'm breathing underwater, fighting for even just a small gasp of air.

I'm not the only one trying to process through things though. People all over the world are going through things. It's apparent on the news, in the lives of my friends, on my social media feeds - things just feel so broken. Are they always going to feel so broken?

Everything is just...sad. How can you be grateful when everything around you is just a mess?

In church last Sunday, one of our Pastors was talking about change and growth; in order to grow, you have to change. "Not all change causes growth, but all growth requires change." Things have certainly changed, but it's how we react to that change that either holds us back or produces growth. Our Pastor also mentioned that if we didn't like how life felt in that moment, then we need to ask God what areas He wants us to grow in. This isn't necessarily easy, and the process could most certainly hurt. This resonated with me in such a huge way. 

I think I knew my prayer life was lacking, and God used one person...one Sunday service to point out that I need to have a chat with Jesus. 

Over the past week, I've been in constant prayer both on my own and with others. I've focused on disconnecting from social media and things that don't have much positive impact on my life. I've stopped comparing myself and the relationships I have with others. For one week, I've focused on Jesus and the incredibly beautiful things He has blessed me with. 

I am grateful. 

I am grateful for morning, but more grateful to go to sleep. I am gateful for late night talks and spontaneous hangouts. I am grateful for people who speak life into my life and into the lives of others. I am grateful for prayer, growth, and healthy communication with Brian. I am grateful for the church and work family that I have, who has held me up in prayer constantly.  I am grateful that "this too shall pass" and for each and every promise God has given us. I am grateful for strength in my body that decides to show up through running, aerial yoga, weight training, boxing, etc. I am grateful for the people who inspire me, and that I'm able to return the favor as well. I am grateful for the outpouring of love and support I see people giving each other....

I am just, grateful. 

It's been over a month since I last felt like myself, and I am finally feeling better! I'm grateful that pain is just a season  and I choose to praise God though all parts of life.

As we continue forward through this storm, I pray for more bright spots - and I would love if you'd pray with me too.

-jennilea

The Breaking Point

Today, I'm going to start with Lifetime Movie Monday!
Title: 12 Hours to Live

My guess: A woman is told (by a psychic) that she is going to die in 12 hours, so she decides to do all the things she has ever wanted to do. She gets crazy, has fun, finds love, and then dies...all in 12 hours...

Actual plot: "Eighteen-year-old Amy is having a bad day. Not only has she been kidnapped by a deranged gunman, but as a diabetic without her insulin, her chances of survival are diminishing with each tick of the clock. FBI agent Megan Saunders isn't walking on sunshine either, since this madman killed her partner when Megan hesitated to pull the trigger. Now Megan won't stop till she nails this guy, but can she save Amy before her time is up?"

Once again, Lifetime has created a ridiculous plot. Ha!

I finished reading "The Lucky One," last week. It was nice to envision Zac Efron as the main character throughout the book. Ha! It was difficult to get into the book, at first, but as I started reading and getting to know the back story of each character, it got much better.  My favorite parts were the flashbacks that Thibault frequently had. I also liked how the author, Nicholas Sparks, wrote the each chapter from the perspective of a specific character. It allows the reader to see the feeling behind the actions.  The book was okay, but not the greatest thing I've read.

This coming weekend, I will go to the library for my next book!

Now, let's get to some Dungeon talk! As many of you know, I've been working out in The Dungeon with Jamie and Josh. Each workout seems to test me like crazy. Last weekend, I hit the breaking point. I was challenged with staying in the squat position while doing 50 reps with arm weights.  The difficult part, if I stood up or sat down at all, I'd have to start all over.  I've done this workout with 30 reps before, and I felt like I hardly made it through those. I definitely failed before hitting 30, so 50 was unimaginable. After failing several times, I got to 43. My Dungeon family was cheering me on, saying I can do it, and offering encouraging words, yet at 43, my legs just dropped. I finally cried. This was the worst feeling of failure. I was so close to the end and tried so hard to push to 50 but I just couldn't.

As I sat on the ground, crying, Josh said "that is the breaking point, and it's a beautiful place to be." At the time, I couldn't understand why it was a beautiful place to be, but shortly after, those words began to have meaning. When I first began, I began feeling tired after the first ten reps and at one point, I was tired after five. In that moment, I had an option to stop and start over while I was still in the beginning of the set, but I pushed on.  I tried, I pushed myself further than I felt I was capable of, I was tired, but determined to make it. When I couldn't make it, I realized I had pushed passed what I thought was my limit and I am much stronger than I had ever believed. With a little more pushing, I will get to that 50.

Jamie walked over to me and said it was okay to cry and to let it out. So, I did, I just cried. She had me do some sprinting and try to control my breathing, then I had to come back, and start all over again. This time, I only made it to 38 before I fell again. I cried so hard. Jamie told me to get up and rep out the last 12, so I did. When I finished, Jamie tooled right in my eyes and said, "I am proud of you. That was tough, but you still went for it. I am proud of you." Those words were golden.

Since then, I've encountered this same challenge. 30 doesn't feel so bad, but 50 is still a challenge - but I have gotten there (tear free).

I love everything I've taken in from this experience. Also, a result update: I've lost 24.5 inches in 5 weeks. :]]

Upcoming, I've decided to add 365 days of Thank You to my list. The goal is to write one letter every day, saying thank you for anything as simple as delivering mail, to more complex and life changing thank yous. This challenge is to encourage growth, development, and to just help me become more grateful for what I have.

Finally, instead of a fun fact, I am leaving you with a verse. I am going through something right now, for which I would love some prayer. This verse just spoke to be and really encourages me when I am in this place of defeat. With God, I am more than a conqueror:

"...in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." (Romans 8:37 NIV)

In the difficult times, I pray we can all find our hope and safety in God. 

-jennilea

So, my cat is using the toilet now...

I haven't posted in over 2 weeks, so there is much to say!  I have completed 4 goals from my Day Zero Project:

I have been practicing juggling, mostly fruit, for several months now.  As of October 26th, I have decided that I can officially juggle!  I find that bean bags work best.  I feel awesome.  :]

Next, I began toilet training my cats.  It is tough stuff!  We are using the CitiKitty.  We moved the litter to the CitiKitty and placed it on top of the toilet.  Megatron seems to have taken to it very quickly.  Belle, however, is not liking it.  It is difficult, because we are constantly watching her to make sure that she goes on the toilet instead of the floor.  We are giving treats when they use the toilet, although Belle is getting treats for just jumping onto the toilet.  Slowly, but surely, they will get there.  The only think keeping me pushing forward is thinking about not having a litter box anymore!
Worst experience with this, so far, is when I realized the litter we bought is not able to be flushed...The toilet overflowed at 1am...major mess to clean up.  But, again, this is just one struggle leading to the end of the litter box!  Worth.it.

Another completed goal was to buy bright pants. I know it is silly, but I wanted to buy bright pants because it is just not me!  I was searching for a red pair, but when I came across a pair of green ones, I was sold.  They were super cute, so I bought them, and fulfilled this goal!  Pulling.them.off.

I was able to complete my goal to participate in Adopt-A-Block at the LA Dream Center on 11.3.12.  Jessica and I went to adopt-a-block and assisted with several families in the projects.  We gave them food, diapers, stuffed animals, and played with the kids.  I was fascinated by these kids and how much they knew about the world, and how much they craved a relationship with God.  They were all loving and so welcoming.  They were shocked that I am still in college.  I guess seeing an adult in college is not common in the area, so I encouraged them in school and told them about what college can do for you.  Please pray for these kids.  I pray that, as they continue to grow up, they will never lose their trust in God, passion for life, or their hopes and dreams.  This was definitely an eye opening experience.

50 goals completed!  51 more to go!  696 days left!  I also have one more item to add to the list.  Please feel free to make suggestions.

Subject shift, today, I met with Christina to tour Sac State.  I am really excited to transfer next fall.  Scared, but very excited to see what this change will bring.

Speaking of changes, I will be working with a few music artists in the near future.  More details to follow.

In other news: "You can't inhale through your nose an talk at the same time."
(Follow Uber Facts on Twitter)

Go ahead and try...I did it too...

-jennilea