I had noticed some photos of
my ex and I on a few pages, and asked for them to be deleted. One of the
responses I got: "Good or bad it is a part of your life story. If it
wasn't for this part of your life you might not have come to where you are
today."
NOPE! He gets absolutely NO credit for where I am today!
I can say that with absolute confidence, because he never encouraged me to do those things I was so passionate about. Every single day was full of discouragement, put-downs, doubt, and fear. He doesn't deserve any sort of pat on the back for my accomplishments.
I understand that this is part of my story. I absolutely own that this is part of my story, but that doesn't mean it is something I want or need to be reminded of. In those photos, I don't see great memories. I see a girl who is trying her best to put on a happy face, while hiding from the world that she is terrified he might hit her again - or worse. In our wedding photos, I see someone full of hope who will very quickly come to see that every last vow made to her will be broken. The only thing he can have credit for is giving me a world of experience that I absolutely should not have had.
Here are the facts: If it were not for my strength to leave an abusive relationship, my resilience, my faith in who God is, my desire to push harder than ever to pursue my dreams; if it were not for my hard work I would not be where I am today!
It is a complete miracle that I didn't get lost in my situation, which I credit completely to God in that He gave me the courage to push forward, to heal, and to go after the desires of my heart.
I am sure this comment was not meant to be taken as I have taken it, but please understand that what you said does not help what I've been through; it waters down and sugarcoats the situation. There is no sugarcoating in abuse.
In related news: Normally I like to give a fun fact here - but in "feeling the room" I am going to give a not so fun national statistic: "Domestic victimization is correlated with a higher rate of depression and suicidal behavior." I am so incredibly grateful to have not experienced these things. Restating what I said earlier, it is absolutely by my faith in God that I did not get lost in what happened to me.
For more statistics, visit the website for National Coalition Against Domestic Violence website here.
-jennilea
