My Own Doppelgänger

"Eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgänger, these completely different people who just happen to look like us" - Ted Mosby

I've said this once, and I'm going to go ahead and say it again: I can relate everything in life to How I Met Your Mother, so here we go!

Four years ago, I started this blog to document my Day Zero Project. A coworker helped come up with my incredibly clever blog name based off of my last name. Thus "Dirty Londré" happened. After my divorce, I decided to keep my last name because, let's face it, it's way cooler than Mitchell. Plus all of my legal documents and accounts had that name, so it just makes things simple. I knew I'd have to ditch the last name sometime though, and I was ready for whenever that time would come (although it's coming much sooner than expected).

I finally have come to a place of wanting to remove it from my blog, which means I needed to come up with a new title. In an effort to try to come up with a simple, easy name, I asked friends on Facebook for there input. Points to those who came up with "ArrudAwakening." My friends are so silly.

One comment from my friend Cyrita left the idea of not defining myself by other people through my blog name. She said that my story is one of redemption and fresh starts. She gave Biblical ideas and really made me think of how I define myself, how others see me, and how I am seen by God.

This brought me to start questioning who I am. I'm not talking

some sort of existential crisis or anything, but more of a pondering on who I am today after coming from out of such a traumatic few years. I know more than anything that I don't want who I am to be defined by what I've been through. I will not be a victim. How do I want to define myself though? Suddenly, it hit me: The best definition for myself is exactly how God would see me. I am valuable, worthy, loved, forgiven...

One of my favorite verses is Matthew 10:31. I held on to it as I came out of the mess that was my marriage and it gave me comfort and healing. "So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." God provides for the sparrows, and how much more are we worth to him than birds? Just as He promises to care for His creation, He cares for us as well. And in those times where I questioned who I was and what I was worth, I found my worth in God.

Four years ago Jennilea was a completely different person from who I am now. I was in a different place facing incredible challenges and learning how to cope in my abusive situation. Present day Jennilea a completely different person who is free and healed; I know who I am - and I know my worth.

So, with a new look and a new name, I introduce you to my blog: Ten31, a place where I share about who I am, the things I've been through, the way God has healed my heart, how He continues to move in my life, and every bit of adventure I get to have.

-jennilea

Decorating. Travel. Fitness.

I've been in my new home for 1 month now - and it's incredible!  Brian surprised me with some awesome decorations for my wall, which we hung up yesterday, so I am all set now.

Everything feels warm and happy - I couldn't imagine a more perfect place to be.

1 week ago, Yessica and I bought our tickets to Italy when prices took a HUGE dip!  We are leaving in just over 5 months - wow!  Flying into Rome, and exploring as much of Italy as possible.  My family has a ton of history there, so I am looking forward to seeing and learning more about that.

I'm also on my fitness like crazy!  Brian and I are on this journey together, so we started our own wee fitstagram:  @Brilea_fit - Yes, couples IG accounts are a little lame, but this helps keep both of us accountable, and motivated - so we are lame together.  haha.  I switched from doing online training at The Dungeon because I found I was just making excuse after excuse to not go in - so this is my first week back to normal in-gym training and I haven't missed a session yet!  Even more exciting, is that I am seeing some major changes in my body - and still getting stronger.  A few months ago, we started assisted muscle-ups using a false grip and resistance bands to help get up there.  One of the resistance bands I had been using broke during another session - leaving two instead of three.  I thought that would be it until Jamie brought in another one - but she had other plans.  Instead of stopping there, she had me try with the 2 bands.  I couldn't even kind of get up there.  Haha.  I was failed time after time and it all felt completely pointless - until one time, when I was finally able to get my arm up.  Within 2 weeks, I got my other arm up - and was finally able to start pulling myself up!  I'm not lifting myself all the way up at this point, but I am closer than I ever have been before.  I feel strong - and I feel confident.

So - here is to adventures and major changes!  I am declaring right here that I've remembered why I started this journey, and I am determined to make the next 8 weeks incredible as I fight my way towards the fitness level I'd like to be at.  Going from this to being healthy is just that; it's a fight. - It is a decision each day to prep my meals, drink a gallon of water, say no to the thing I am craving - unless it's a cheat meal - and to make each scheduled workout!

With the huge amount of support and love from my trainer - Jamie, Team Dungeon, my fantastic boyfriend, and from amazing friends like Kaite (seriously follow her on IG @fromchubba2hubba), Juanita, Toni, and my giiiirl Jessica - I know that I can rock this out - exactly as I have in the past.

I look forward to checking in with you guys each week to let you know how I'm doing as well.

I'd also like to thank all of you for following my journey over the past few years.  Life has changed a ton - but it is so incredibly beautiful. <3

In other news - blue whales are so enormous that a human being could swim through their largest veins. (Check out more cool facts here).

-jennilea