My Own Doppelgänger

"Eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgänger, these completely different people who just happen to look like us" - Ted Mosby

I've said this once, and I'm going to go ahead and say it again: I can relate everything in life to How I Met Your Mother, so here we go!

Four years ago, I started this blog to document my Day Zero Project. A coworker helped come up with my incredibly clever blog name based off of my last name. Thus "Dirty Londré" happened. After my divorce, I decided to keep my last name because, let's face it, it's way cooler than Mitchell. Plus all of my legal documents and accounts had that name, so it just makes things simple. I knew I'd have to ditch the last name sometime though, and I was ready for whenever that time would come (although it's coming much sooner than expected).

I finally have come to a place of wanting to remove it from my blog, which means I needed to come up with a new title. In an effort to try to come up with a simple, easy name, I asked friends on Facebook for there input. Points to those who came up with "ArrudAwakening." My friends are so silly.

One comment from my friend Cyrita left the idea of not defining myself by other people through my blog name. She said that my story is one of redemption and fresh starts. She gave Biblical ideas and really made me think of how I define myself, how others see me, and how I am seen by God.

This brought me to start questioning who I am. I'm not talking

some sort of existential crisis or anything, but more of a pondering on who I am today after coming from out of such a traumatic few years. I know more than anything that I don't want who I am to be defined by what I've been through. I will not be a victim. How do I want to define myself though? Suddenly, it hit me: The best definition for myself is exactly how God would see me. I am valuable, worthy, loved, forgiven...

One of my favorite verses is Matthew 10:31. I held on to it as I came out of the mess that was my marriage and it gave me comfort and healing. "So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." God provides for the sparrows, and how much more are we worth to him than birds? Just as He promises to care for His creation, He cares for us as well. And in those times where I questioned who I was and what I was worth, I found my worth in God.

Four years ago Jennilea was a completely different person from who I am now. I was in a different place facing incredible challenges and learning how to cope in my abusive situation. Present day Jennilea a completely different person who is free and healed; I know who I am - and I know my worth.

So, with a new look and a new name, I introduce you to my blog: Ten31, a place where I share about who I am, the things I've been through, the way God has healed my heart, how He continues to move in my life, and every bit of adventure I get to have.

-jennilea

A Very Different Relationship (Officially Official)

For almost a year, I've been single.  It's really weird to think about - but this last year has so been needed!  As I've explained in many a blog post, God has used my singleness to point me back to Him. I've been more focused, and continued to push forward towards where I'm being called.

During that year, I've had a ridiculous amount of support from my family and friends - who have continued to be there for me the entire step of the way.  I've had adventures, the opportunity to grow in my friendships, and to really experience a very different kind of friendship.

Twelve years ago, I met Brian.  He was dreamy.  We built up a friendship, that eventually led to my first [real] relationship on January 19, 2004.  Finally, in October 2004, we called it quits and, after some time, we found a way to develop an awesome friendship.  Since then, he's always had a space in my life as a very good friend - there when I needed him, even when he lived in Mississippi.  Distance never made a difference.  Both of us got married, and out of respect for the marriages - we kept our distance.  When both of those fell apart, we were there for each other.  Our friendship picked up right where it left off;  he was my best friend.  Talking to him was always like therapy - I am pretty sure I worked out most of my issues through those conversations.  The really neat thing about it - he always pointed me back to God.  When I would get nervous about something - or ridiculously frustrated, he encouraged me to pray.  We would read the Bible with each other - and tried our best to dig deeper into what He wanted for our lives.  Eventually, these feelings started to develop again.  It was weird...and out of the blue.  I was enjoying my singleness.  I needed more time.  He was respectful of that - and our friendship never changed.

December rolled around, and something just sort of clicked.  I had peace and was ready to pursue a relationship so, I let him know.  In that awkward, not really sure where to go from here, moment I asked, "sooo...what now?"  He replied, "Give it time - we'll create a memory."  More time, I could do that.  With that time, we carried on as friends, as usual.  Behind the scenes, he was seeking permission to from my parents to date me.  Again - this is not something I've ever experienced in a relationship.  The amount of respect he has for my family and I is just unreal.  For once, both of my parents approved!  My mom has always been a little more conservative in her approval - and has literally never approved of any relationship I've been in.  Her "yes" means the world to me.  My dad has never been given the opportunity to have an opinion, so I'm sure he was pretty happy to have a say.  My dad and Brian get along really well too - which is also awesome.

I patiently waited, wondering when this memory would be made.  Finally, January 19th, we went out to the Melting Pot to celebrate my new job!  Little did I know, we'd be celebrating so much more.  Right when we sat down, he gave me the most perfect card.  It pretty much described our entire friendship - then some sweet writing from him on the inside.  After I finished my card, which ended in making us "officially official" (on the same date we were eleven years ago) - he gave me a box, which held a beautiful heart necklace.

We are one week into the relationship - and it's pretty neat.  Nothing has really changed other than a title.  We continue to grow in God together - keeping our focus on Him being in the center of it all.  We maintain those boundaries, respect each other, and have adventure.

This is a very different type of relationship in that God is involved through and through.  This is how a relationship should be.  :]

In other news: "Butterflies taste with their hind feet."
Find other useless facts online here.

-jennilea