"Where the hoes at?!"

The room was dark and the music was loud at the most recent concert I went to. A group of hip-hop artists had just finished performing and the DJ working alongside the headlining artist took the stage. He started playing music to really get the crowd going. It worked. They were dancing and having a ton of fun. For me, the fun ended shortly after.

The room began to fill with the smell of weed, and just before announcing the headlining artist, the DJ yelled "Hold up, hold up." The music stopped. He continued on, "Where the hoes at?" The room quickly filled with a roar of cheer and applause from women - as if being a ho is something to be proud of. The definition of a ho is literally "prostitute" - Is that how you want to be treated? Is that truly how you see yourself? These men don't even know you - but they literally referred to a room full of women...a room full of their fans, as hoes? From there, they continued to shout things such as "Let's hear from all the ladies who left their boyfriends and home tonight so they can f*** with us." Again, the room filled with cheering, and I was left with an uneasy heart.

If I could scream it to every single woman in that building, I would - but since I can't just jump on stage, I'm going to use this platform instead. Please listen to me when I say to you YOU ARE VALUABLE. There is no one in this world, no matter how famous, who should be allowed to disrespect you by calling you any sort of derogatory term. You scream and jump at the opportunity to engage in those activities the artist raps about - but I am telling you now, if he is going to refer to you as a ho, then that is most definitely how you'll be treated. Just another city they performed in. Just another number. Just another girl he was able to hook up with and never see again. If that's worth it to you, then you are so much more broken than I could have ever imagined.

Aren't we better than that?

Yes. The answer to that question is yes. Instead of a room full of cheering, those men disrespectful boys should have been booed off stage.

Maybe it's a culture thing. But hip-hop culture doesn't have to be this way. We've got artists like Lecrae, Andy Mineo, NF, Izreal Graham - where their content isn't just about what's "hot" or "cool" by society's standards or based on what will bring in a quick paycheck. Where success isn't based off of who can get away with being disrespectful - and their words contain more weight than that of cursing and talking down to an entire group of people:

"But I know these people greater than the songs they created
It's little homies in the hood regurgitating
And everybody watching, thinking that you made it
The truth is for a few designer labels and a little bit of paper
Now you twelve years slaving
Hey, but you ain't Lupita so why you beat up and pushing people
To lean on the devil copping a seizure
It sound like you put your feet up
You still a slave and money can't buy you freedom"
Lecrae // Nuthin

"...they come to my shows with tears in they eyes
Imagine someone looking at you and saying your music's the reason that they are alive."
NF // Therapy Session

"Years later lust changed into sex no more love just goals to forget
gotta couple sins that I need to confess
supposed to be more mature bit it hurts no less
more years, same flesh, lots of fish up in the sea get caught in the same net
There's only one safe sex when your mind, soul, spirit, and the savior connects."
Izreal Graham featured on Justin Smith Williams track // Like I Love You

"I'm back and forth like a tug of war
I've been fighting for my life, like I'm trying to get right and I really want more, and I don't know
Back and forth like a tug of war
And I've been fighting for control, and fighting for my soul this is war"
Andy Mineo // Tug of War

These lyrics mean something. They meet you where you are, they tell a story, they lift you up, they make a difference...they make change - yet we glorify the garbage we are fed each day by every news outlet, TV show, movie...

Music is powerful because it connects with people in such a special way that invokes change.  It's time to speak life into this generation and every generation after, respecting ourselves and each other so we know without a doubt that we are worthy of something real.

Here is where you may not agree with me, and that's okay - but to me, the biggest proof of our value is the cost Christ paid for us on the cross. Even if it were just for you, He would have made that same decision because you are worth it. Even in our imperfection, God sees us as worthy.

John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."

There is no greater love out there than what the King of all kings did for us on the cross. Now pick up your crown, princess, and wear it with dignity. Expect nothing less than respect and honor from anyone in this world.

Men - be better than what society is telling you that you have to be. It's not okay to disrespect women - or anyone for that matter. We are all valuable and we deserve so much more than what our culture is teaching us.

One more time, in hopes to truly drive this home for you: You are valuable. Expect others to treat you as such.

-jennilea

"Your voice will save you."

"Authentic love does not devalue another human being" - Brooke Axtell 

Before Katy Perry's emotional Grammy performance of "By The Grace of God," Brooke Axtell, sex trafficking and domestic violence survivor and activist, gave probably the most heartwrenching and real speach.  With intense passion and desperation, she spoke out:  "Authentic love does not devalue another human being. Authentic love does not silence, shame or abuse. If you're in a relationship with someone who does not honor or respect you, I want you to know you are worthy of love. Please reach out for help."

Her speech, coupled with Perry's performance, left me speechless and in this ocean of emotion.  I related to everything - and I know I'm not alone in that.  I started researching the lyrics to "By The Grace of God."  This is the first song I've felt connected to - that described what I've been through in such a real way.

"Was full of secrets locked up tight...Running on empty so out of gas."  Yes.  When you're in this place where you feel like you can't speak - there is no one to talk to about what you're facing because you've sort of alienated yourself from people.  It felt like I'd be a burden, or I feared their reaction if I didn't do what they thought I should do (knowing their advice was best for me - even if it wasn't easy).  After a while, you're just worn;  Tired of keeping secrets and going through it alone.  You feel lost and trapped.  I felt like this was my life - a product of my decisions and I deserved what I was getting. On top of that, I was constantly told it was my fault as it was happening. At some point, you just start believing it. 

"Thought I wasn't enough.  Found I wasn't so tough.  Layin' on the bathroom floor."  This line spoke to me the most because it literally did replay a story to me:

*Warning - this story is graphic*

One night, he was drinking. I thought the best idea would be for me to sleep. That way, he couldn't get upset - he wouldn't think I was nagging if I asked him to slow down. I just thought it would be better for everyone.  He woke me up anyway, and was furious. He had found one of my "I love Mr. Pickles" T-Shirts from when I had worked there for a few months.  He was insisting that Mr. Pickles was this real person who I was seeing behind his back.  He choked me as I laid on the bed, then kicked me off onto the ground where he continued to hit, kick, and choke me again.  He finally walked away, and I found a hiding place, for the first time:  The bathroom floor.  It was the only room in the house with a lock, and as he banged on the door, I was lying on the floor praying he wouldn't break through as I made my first 911 call for help.  I truly believe if I didn't call them, I would not have made it through that night.  He began banging on the door even harder as he realized what I was doing - screaming all kinds of names and profanities at me.  Suddenly, it stopped.  I sat there in tears on the phone with the operator who stayed on the line with me the whole time, and advised I don't leave the bathroom, even to open the door for the police because we had no idea if he was in the household at that point.  

I heard a knock on the bathroom door.  I was shaking as I quietly answered, "Yes?"  I held my breath as I awaited the response.  "This is the police, we're here to help you."  I let out a huge sigh and just started bawling.  I was safe.  I was going to be okay.  

They spoke to me about domestic violence and gave me paperwork on different programs that could help me.  

I didn't take their advice that day.  I should have, but I didn't.  He always had a way of making me believe he would be better - that he would be different.

If anyone else finds themselves in this position - please take their advice.  Get help.  Get out.

Which brings me to the next line of the song:

"By the grace of God - I picked myself back up.  I put one foot in front of the other and I looked in the mirror and decided to stay."

Each time something happened, the only way I know I was able to continue moving forward was by the grace of God.  He carried me through every outburst, every incident. It was in His perfect love that I was able to find any sort of joy in life. 

"Now every morning, there is no more mourning. I can finally see myself again."

So much truth. I don't have those mornings where I wake up feeling such complete brokenness. I don't have to question why I'm still living. Instead, I feel freedom, peace, and a real passion and excitement for life again. I feel like myself rather than as if I were fighting each day for normalcy - just to make it through one more night. I don't have to search for the silver linings and happiness; It's there already as I see God working all throughout my life - healing every piece that was shattered. 
"I know I am enough. Possible to be loved. It was not about me. Now I have to rise above...the truth'll set you free."

I am enough. God bought me (and all of us) at such a high price. We are all so precious and deserving of a Christ-like love. We are worth dying for. I am worth dying for. 

Now I can take these horror stories I lived though, be open and real about them, and allow God to use my life and my story to help bring other to freedom. 

In freedom, I am no longer a victim, I am an overcommer and there is such beauty that has come out of the brokenness of what I have overcome. 

If you have gone through or are currently going through something like this - I know it's not easy to speak up in what your going through, but please know, just as Brooke Axtell said, "your voice will save you." Talk to someone, anyone. Get help. Life can be so much better than the nightmare you've been living. 

I encourage you to check out the article I read, which gave an incredible overview of the heart of Brooke Axtell's message and Katy Perry's performance: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2945421/Domestic-violence-survivor-sex-trafficked-7-year-old-Texas-male-nanny-gives-speech-alongside-Katy-Perry-Grammys.html 

Rise up. Get help. Speak out. 

-jennilea