2017: A Recap

This year was rough - I mean real rough.  Not that terrible things happened constantly, but enough absolutely horrible things happened within such a short period of time, that I was left completely worn.  The crazy thing is that it seems as if everyone I know dealt with some sort of tragedy that made 2017 really suck.

When I sat down to think about all the things that happened this year, I was honestly completely dreading it, until I started to write it all down. There have been so many incredible moments in 2017, that I can honestly say it's actually been pretty wonderful.

January: I did the Christmas Bird Count. We received engagement photos. I ran my first half marathon, went to Disneyland, threw a surprise 30th birthday party for Brian, and my bridesmaids got their dresses.

February: Baby Corey was born, I started aerial yoga, and began my 100 Days of Fitness Challenge.

March: I tried the "Gray Stuff" at Disneyland, watched Melissa get married, and went to the bridal preview at our wedding venue

April: I took Cobie and Brian to visit friends at Hartland Christian Camp, fed the homeless with New Hope Street Ministry, surprised Brian's mom with a spontaneous trip to Disneyland, helped clean up the Auburn State Recreational Area for Earth Day, bawled my eyes out at Zach and Emily's wedding, and had a bridesmaids night with my ladies.

May: I had photos taken in honor of 3 years of freedom from domestic violence, tried Disney Bounding for the first time, ran a Disney 10k, Brian got baptized, and Jadelynn graduated from 6th grade.

June: We found tuxes for Brian and our Groomsmen, figured out our table numbers, and enjoyed a night out with my bridesmaids.

July: I took a trip to Denver to work an event with for KING & COUNTRY, enjoyed the lake with family, baseball games, and FINALLY was able to complete the Vitruvian Man at Aerial Yoga. We celebrated the 4th of July and my friendiversary with Bri. Brian made our guest book. I traveled to Washington for a 3-Day Festival, our wedding invitations came in, and Meloney surprised me with a day out as I faced one of the most difficult months of my life.  Brian and I also escaped to Lake Tahoe to try to get out of the sadness we had faced through this month.

August: I had a night out with my girls at Aerial Yoga, 10 Year High School Reunion, Brian moved to our new home. I went to SoCal for Harvest Crusade, saw a Padres game, the eclipse, escaped a room with my sister, and went kayaking in the ocean. I also got my tattoo touched up and saw One Republic with Jessica.

September: After months of planning, we served 130 moms at our Single Moms Event.  Celebrated my Bridal shower, Jadelynn's 12th birthday, and hung out with Sarah and her bridal party to celebrate her.  We got the best dang couches in the world, and Lara and Kalie threw me a surprise Bridal Shower at work.

October: Jessica and I danced with The Fitness Marshall.  I did my hair and makeup run through for the wedding, collected thousands of pieces of soap for WEAVE.  We got the PERFECT wedding cake topper from Meloney, my wedding jewelry, my dad made a miraculous recovery after dying twice from a heart attack. We celebrated my bachelorette party, wedding rehearsal, Treat Yoself Spa Day with my bridesmaids, Welcome to the Family drinks, and FINALLY had our Wedding Day.  Immediately after, we headed to Belize, where our honeymoon was literally everything we hoped it would be. October did have some bumps, but overall it was a month of healing and new beginnings.

November: Meloney and I enjoyed Brett Eldredge and Luke Bryan. I helped build 1500 bikes for kids, ran another half marathon, celebrated Stacie and her Bachelorette Party in Reno - where I dominated against Bri (who wins everything) at Sumo Wrestling. The Eagles beat the Cowboys, I spent time with Meloney, Chris, and their little ones at Apple Hill and brought in my birthday with a game night, gifts, and cake with my husband and the best brother and sister in-love in the world!  My husband took me to The Melting Pot for my birthday dinner, and we celebrated Thanksgiving 3 times (my new family, first family, and with my Jadelynn family).


December: This month has been busy!  We kicked the month off by watching Jacob and Stacie get married, rang the bell for the Salvation Army, had winter summit with the Events Team, won the ugly sweater contest with the #GoldenGirls at the office. We celebrated our volunteers at a Volunteer Christmas party, went to Disneyland, watched the Eagles beat the Rams LIVE (thanks, Brian), explored Christmas lights with David and Christina, got a fire pit and market lights for our backyard, cut a million inches off of my hair, got our wedding video, saw the Impractical Jokers live, and spent 2 weeks puppy-sitting Eugene. Lara and I presented the first ever K-LOVE Share the Love Award to Destiny Church and Community Center. For the first time in our home, Brian and I hosted the 5th Annual Christmas party with some of our best friends.  I helped the Salvation Army in giving 2500 families a Christmas, brought Christmas to over 30 boys at the Sacramento Children's Home, and baked cookies with Nikki, and Corey. Brian and I went to another ugly sweater party, spent Christmas with my new family, my first family, and with my dad - which led to a spontaneous Oregon trip to pet baby tigers and other cool animals. We threw a surprise party for Jackie, beat ANOTHER escape room (17 down - #undefeated), and tonight I'll bring in the New Year with Melony, Chris, my nieces, Jadelynn and her sister, and my wonderful husband.

This year has been a year with lots of tears, an insane amount of restless nights, stress, broken relationships, and a lots and lots of really hard moments. However, a spark of hope was found through prayer and complete surrender of all of those tough things to God.  He came through with answered prayers, restored friendships, much-needed closure, and by giving me some of the most incredible blessings I get to call family.

This year I'm grateful for long drives, runs, talks, and experiences with Bri.  I'm grateful for my sister Tara, who has shown me that no matter what I am loved and that it's okay to take time for myself. I am grateful for Meloney and Chris, who have prayed for me, talked me down from really broken moments, whisked me away on adventures, and always seem to know the right thing to say. Adventure after adventure with Jessica and double date nights with Christina and David.  I am thankful my dad is still here and that we have the opportunity to create a real father-daughter relationship. I'm blessed to have the most incredible mom and to be getting even closer with my sister Jacki and with Jadelynn's mom, Tabitha.

Most of all, I am so so blessed to have the most incredible husband in the world. Brian is my biggest fan and cheerleader.  You have been more patient with me than I could have ever asked for.  You've cried with me, held me in silence when I needed it, and cheered me on and prayed with and for me when I felt like I couldn't take on any more. You are without a doubt, the greatest thing to have ever happened to me.  I love you more than words could ever express.

2018 is nearly here, and I'm moving into the new year with high expectations for a lot of new, wonderful memories to be made.

-jennilea

Grateful

For the first time in my life, I've struggled to find things to be grateful for while facing some very dark times. 

I've struggled in processing through pain, and have not trusted God with the hurts I was facing. I got stuck in bitterness, anger, sadness, anxiety...I was depressed. It was the most terrifying place to be in because I didn't know if or when it would end. 

Something happened to someone very special to me. The worst possible thing I could have ever imagined. When I experience tough things, my outlet is to write about it, but this isn't my story to tell. So how do I process through the most heartbreaking news when I can't even talk about it? How can things ever be made right after tragedy? And why the heck are all the bad things deciding to happen all at the same time?

The weight of it all is so heavy. It hurts and I feel like I'm breathing underwater, fighting for even just a small gasp of air.

I'm not the only one trying to process through things though. People all over the world are going through things. It's apparent on the news, in the lives of my friends, on my social media feeds - things just feel so broken. Are they always going to feel so broken?

Everything is just...sad. How can you be grateful when everything around you is just a mess?

In church last Sunday, one of our Pastors was talking about change and growth; in order to grow, you have to change. "Not all change causes growth, but all growth requires change." Things have certainly changed, but it's how we react to that change that either holds us back or produces growth. Our Pastor also mentioned that if we didn't like how life felt in that moment, then we need to ask God what areas He wants us to grow in. This isn't necessarily easy, and the process could most certainly hurt. This resonated with me in such a huge way. 

I think I knew my prayer life was lacking, and God used one person...one Sunday service to point out that I need to have a chat with Jesus. 

Over the past week, I've been in constant prayer both on my own and with others. I've focused on disconnecting from social media and things that don't have much positive impact on my life. I've stopped comparing myself and the relationships I have with others. For one week, I've focused on Jesus and the incredibly beautiful things He has blessed me with. 

I am grateful. 

I am grateful for morning, but more grateful to go to sleep. I am gateful for late night talks and spontaneous hangouts. I am grateful for people who speak life into my life and into the lives of others. I am grateful for prayer, growth, and healthy communication with Brian. I am grateful for the church and work family that I have, who has held me up in prayer constantly.  I am grateful that "this too shall pass" and for each and every promise God has given us. I am grateful for strength in my body that decides to show up through running, aerial yoga, weight training, boxing, etc. I am grateful for the people who inspire me, and that I'm able to return the favor as well. I am grateful for the outpouring of love and support I see people giving each other....

I am just, grateful. 

It's been over a month since I last felt like myself, and I am finally feeling better! I'm grateful that pain is just a season  and I choose to praise God though all parts of life.

As we continue forward through this storm, I pray for more bright spots - and I would love if you'd pray with me too.

-jennilea

100 Days & Counting

I woke up on Friday, and it was an interesting feeling knowing that I had an actual choice to workout.  The 100 Days of Fitness challenge was complete, and through the thing I told myself that I would take day 101 off. When I got there though, I didn't want to take a day off. For the last 100 days I've told myself that there would be no excuses not to workout, so as day 101 approached I found that I've conditioned myself to that mindset.  I still don't have excuses, so I'm still going strong.

What does that mean now?  I am not limiting myself to any number of days, I'm just going to keep going.  As for the videos, I'm not going to be posting daily because it is really kind of a hassle, especially when I'm in the gym on my own.  But when I do cool/different things, I'll definitely be posting, but probably more on Snapchat than any other outlet - so follow me @JennileaL if you don't already!

Now, the moment you've all been waiting for...my results:

I didn't take measurements the day I started, which is a bummer! The only measurements I have are from about 8 weeks ago, so I know I've lost more than what I have documented, but here is what I have from that point:
Weight Loss:  19 lbs
Inches from 8 weeks ago to now:
Hips: -3 inches
Thighs: -2 inches on each side
Arms: -1 inch off of each arm
Chest: - 1 inch
Glutes: - 2 inches
Calves: -.75 inches on each side.

The photo on the lefts side was taken in September of last year. From the time that photo was taken to the beginning of my 100 day challenge, I had gained about 6 lbs - so I was actually in worse shape by then.

Today, I am confident and so incredibly proud of the changes I've made, the new habits I've formed, and the "no excuses" mentality I've adapted to.  My new motto is definitely that "discipline always wins over motivation," which is something my trainer Jamie has instilled in me.  It's completely true too!  There were several days where I didn't have the motivation to go, but the discipline from this challenge was enough to get me off the couch and into the gym!  This challenge has been completely life-changing for me.

Thanks for following my journey!  I'll be sure to keep updating you along the way as I continue to make changes!  If you're looking to see some results, start the challenge.  It may feel impossible, but I promise it can be done...and it's completely worth it. :)

-jennilea

Why I chose to wait AFTER marriage...

I read an article recently that inspired me to write about my own experience with this, so here we go.

I was married before so clearly I've had sex already, so why choose to wait now?  I can't tell you the amount of times I've been asked this by friends, family, and even complete strangers.  I could easily just say "well...that's none of your dang business," but if they are asking and really care to know, then I want to give the most real response possible.

So, let's go down the rabbit hole then...

If you're not up to date on my previous posts, then let's get you up to speed.  I was raped when I was 18 years old by a "friend." I blamed myself, felt shame - It shook me to the core.  He denied it was what it was, and we never talked about it again.

I got engaged, and my choice to wait never really felt respected. It was constantly brought up, I heard phrases like "if you don't then someone else will," among so many other things.  I held strong, but on the inside I felt so very broken and it always seemed to bring me back to that place where I felt the shame I did before.

We got married, he turned abusive, and sex was the furthest thing from my mind.  How could I trust this person with my body if I couldn't trust him with my heart - or even my life?  As you can guess, this was a major hiccup in our marriage.  He always wanted and I tried to deliver - but inside I just felt broken and used.  It didn't feel like everything I had dreamed of.  I didn't feel loved, cherished, valuable, or even respected.

By the time I got out of that relationship, I really just felt like damaged goods.  I didn't feel any worth, and I felt far from pure.

That's where Jesus stepped in.

When I truly began to seek Him first and find healing, I was able to forgive the man who raped me.  I forgave the man who beat me and made me feel used.  I would have a fresh start, knowing that I was worthy to be waited for.  I felt pure again.  This was starting over.

I hear it time and time again: "It's 2017, waiting is old school."

Maybe so, but I know that it's what God asks of us - and after feeling as broken as I did before, I am going to protect and guard that part of my heart until the day I say "I do."

What's even better is that I've found the person who is completely content in the waiting.  At least to my face.  Haha!  But that's all that matters right?  That he is willing to not put the pressure on me. He respects and honors the decision I have made and will help me see that through until October 23rd.

October 23rd?  Nope - that is not a typo!  Right after the wedding, we head to Belize.  Our flight takes off 2 hours after the wedding, so our first time will be in our fancy resort room...60 feet from the ocean, and covered in nothing but love, honor, and respect.  Call it vanilla, but it's actually going to be exactly as I thought it would be when I was 18 years old because it's going to be centered in real love.

I'll be safe. Nothing else will exist but us in that moment...

...and probably for months after.

-jennilea

Three years ago, I found freedom.

Three years ago, I found freedom.  After being in an abusive marriage for six years, I made the decision to leave, and it's been the best decision I've ever made.

What I've noticed though is that every year around this time, I think about what happened.  I hurt over it.  I cry over it.  I feel anxiety over it.  Deep down, I'm still searching for real healing from it.  I decided to get together with a friend to chat about what I was going through - and of course I hit a breakthrough as I always do with her.

As much as I try to tell myself that I forgive him for breaking me, I'm still angry when I think about him and what he did.  Forgiveness is hard - and I hated him.  The minute I hear his name or think about him, I instantly think about the worst times.  I couldn't figure out why I tried so hard to hold on to these memories until I talked with my friend.

I remember one time early on in our marriage when he had hit me. As I fell to the ground, I lost it - I mean really just lost it.  It had been weeks and then out of the blue it happened again.  I cried.  I screamed.  I glanced over to the printer laying on my desk, picked it up, and threw it.  I yelled at the top of my lungs, "WHY!?  GOD, WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING!?  WHY CAN'T YOU JUST STOP!?"  My knees began to buckle and I fell to the ground.

His eyes, they are always what I remember.  He looked at me with confusion and false concern before opening his mouth to say, "I don't know what's wrong with you, but I think we need to get you some help."

My tears stopped instantly and I shot a glare to him, "You don't know what's wrong with me? You just hit me.  You keep hitting me.  It's not getting better - that's what's wrong with me!"

He denied it.  He denied that anything happened in that moment and I was at a loss for words.  He was trying to make me feel like I was crazy - Like everything I had experienced in the months leading up to that moment didn't exist.  They existed. They were real, and I was going to make sure to never forget them.

I started writing it all down - every detail each time.  Then I read what I wrote over and over again until it was burned into my memory as a reminder of how painfully real it all was.  I was determined to not forget a single moment.

Three years out of it, and I'm still so determined to remember each moment, but why?  What good does it do to focus on these moments?  All it does it take me back to the most dark and painful places.

As we sat and drank our tea, my friend reminded me that if I'm going to come to a place of total healing, then I need to forgive him just as Christ forgives us.  It's much easier said than done, and I've told myself that I forgive him before.  That sure didn't stick long.  How can you truly forgive someone for causing so much pain?  The reality is that God forgives us each and every day - even after making the worst mistakes.  We are supposed to emulate that same forgiveness, even when it hurts.  Of course that doesn't excuse what happened; it doesn't make it any less real and it certainly doesn't downplay what was done - but it's still something we are asked to do, so I'm going to do it.

I decided that night to sit down and write him a message.  I told him what he did and how it impacted my life. I told him how it broke me, and how those moments still sit with me and decide to make an appearance whenever they feel like it.  I told him I was still so angry about what he did.  Then...I told him I was letting it all go.  That moment felt like the relief you feel from the exhale following a deep breath in.

I don't want to be angry forever.  In a perfect world, I'd actually like to see him get better - and I know he can.

He made a snarky remark in response to my heartfelt message - and it was as if I was being gifted with yet another reason to hate him but instead, I took another deep breath and said to myself "I forgive you."  In that moment, I could already feel that anger start to fade.

"I forgive you."

I intend to say those words to myself every time I think about what happened.  I'm not going to focus on it or let it define who I am, but it is still part of my story and I'm stronger for it.  God is using it in ways I didn't know would be possible.  He always makes beauty from our broken pieces.

-jennilea


A huge thank you to Katie Pryor for capturing my story in these powerful photos. Check out more of her work here.

Discipline Over Motivation

I've been on this journey now for 72 days.  Guys, I've worked out for 72 days straight!  It certainly hasn't been easy and yesterday I hit a wall.  I'm seeing progress, but for some reason I was completely lacking any sort of real motivation.  I didn't know what it was that put me in such a broken state, but it sure had an impact on my attitude as I pushed through 300 reps for the night. 

It all got a little more clear today though, when I was able to rest up and step away from how I felt last night.  I'm exhausted in life.  Work is really busy, wedding planning has become slightly more stressful as choices are getting harder to make, I miss my friends and family - those relationships that I've worked so hard to build but hardly get to enjoy these days, and I'm working out for 100 freaking days straight!  These are certainly smaller problems to what I've faced in the past, but I'm just tired.

That's where discipline comes in though.  Why did I start this journey?  Because I wasn't happy with where I was.  I wanted change.  I wanted to create a new habit. I wanted to better myself.  So that means that several things in life are going to change in order to make this fit into any and all areas of my life.  If I want to see change happen, I have to stay disciplined even when I can't see exactly what motivated me to start.

If I've got work or plans to hang out with my people, that means I'm waking up early or shutting the gym down.  I'm wrapping it around my life and forcing it to fit in because I know that once I hit my goals, it will be worth it. I know that even going in there for at least 30 minutes of my day is going to make me feel better. 

I'm tired right now and life is busy, but it's worth it. I just have to stay consistent.

"Discipline always has victory over motivation.  We aren't always motivated, 

but discipline always wins." 

                                                - Jamie Gomez.

Discipline tells me that I am going to keep going even when I feel exhausted and can't see where I'm headed.  The minute I step away from the consistency I've worked so hard to build is the minute I break and return to old habits.  It's not easy to change your body.  It feels foreign and challenges you in some pretty major ways - but it's possible.  You have to want it.  You have to give up excuses and chase after it with everything you've got in you.

I'm not giving up.  When I'm tired, I'm going to push even harder.  There are 28 days left in this challenge, but I know it won't stop then.  This is my passion.  I'm making changes and going places.

-jennilea

6 Months Until We Get Married

Where has the time gone?  It feels like only yesterday we were announcing that we got engaged - but at the same time it feels like forever (however that works out - lol).

We've sent out our save the dates, finished basically all the major details, and have paid all of our deposits!  The awesome thing is that the wedding is nearly paid off already thanks to my fiancé's fabulous ability to work hard, make the dollars, and save.

As we approach May, it's time to research Wedding Insurance (yeah that's a thing), finalize our event rentals, and my lovely bridesmaids will be ordering their dresses. 

182 days to go until I marry my best friend!!

-jennilea

Unconditional Love

So we bombed Afghanistan.  I'm sure I can't even begin to understand the complexity of that decision, but what I do know is that the death of others isn't something to celebrate.

When I opened my Facebook App on the morning of April 13th, I was completely disgusted to see a status posted by someone who has been such a major influence in my younger years where he was celebrating how hardcore America is and essentially the deaths that the bombing caused.  This broke my spirit, and actually impacted a large chunk of my day.

In my sadness, I was reminded of one thing:  No matter how ugly people can get, God loves each and every person just as much as he loves me.  That is unconditional love; the king of love that the God I serve extends to everyone.  Seeing bad things happen doesn't please God, and we shouldn't be celebrating it either.  Instead, we should be in prayer for peace and restoration.  We should be praying for these countries as well as our own.

Without prayer, without God - we fall apart.

-jennilea

100 Days of Fitness: Part 2

58 days later...
Brian and I are still going strong on our workouts!  Unfortunately, it hasn't always been on the same schedule though as our work hours are wild, but we're both still putting the work in!

Noticeable changes:
>>I'm down 14 lbs.  Brian is down 22 lbs!
>>I feel more energy.  As soon as my alarm clock goes off, I don't hit snooze anymore!  I'm up and ready to go.  Although I'm sure part of that is the simple fact that I've also been focusing more on getting some good rest in.
>>I suddenly have the best immune system ever.  Seriously, everyone around me has been hit with the plague and I've somehow managed to avoid it.  My trainer Jamie hasn't been sick in years, and she credits it to taking her vitamins and maintaining a healthy level of activity.  I guess she was right!

Overall, I'm feeling 100% better during the day - and whenever I walk by a mirror.

Most of my workouts are done at The Dungeon, and when I can't make it in there for the night Jamie will send me stuff to do at home.  From time to time, I'll also take part in workouts from Kaelin Tuell.

I've been able to step into a few new classes during these weeks too:
>>Water Aerobics: My cousin Bri and I decided we would swim laps one day - and ended up walking in on a water aerobics.  Naturally we just jumped right in and decided to take the class.  It was harder than I thought it would be, but didn't feel nearly as tough as what I normally do.  Nice little break though - and I had a blast.
>>Boxing:  Boxing is on Thursdays, and it has to be my absolute favorite class.  Jamie's husband Josh teaches it and he kicks my butt every time!  I'm noticing that I'm getting stronger, faster, and my stamina is holding up much better from when I first started this class.  Each week, we only get better!

Some things I've loved most during this challenge include trying new things, feeling awesome, and hearing from you guys!  I've had a few friends reach out and say they are taking the 100 Days of Fitness challenge now too which only encourages me to keep pushing!  Congrats on the start of all of your journeys.  I'm really excited to follow your progress and to see how you get creative with your 100 days.

42 days left in this challenge.  I can't wait to see where we are at the end of it!
If you want to follow along in our journey, add me on Facebook or Instagram @JennileaChristine, or follow me on Snapchat @JennileaL.

-jennilea

100 Days Of Fitness Challenge

I find that I'm the best version of me when I'm working on some sort of project - so here is the latest one:

Last week, Brian and I started a challenge called 100 Days Of Fitness.  Our goal is to workout for 100 days straight.  We are posting about it daily and documenting our journey on social media for a few reasons:

>>Progress:  How exciting is it going to be to see our progress 100 days from now?  I can only imagine the new PRs we will be hitting, and how much our bodies will be changing.
>>Accountability:  We've announced it to the world - so we can't stop, right?
>>To Inspire:  We hope that in posting our journey, we will inspire others to be active and hit their own goals as well.

We are 5 days in, and I'm loving this.  Overall, we are both feeling more energized and less tempted to eat unhealthy food so we don't waste all of that hard work,

My favorite thing though, is that we are taking the opportunity to try new things!  In addition to working out with Jamie at The Dungeon, we've been able to experiment with different classes to keep things interesting.  This week, I tried a HIIT class, which kicked my butt, and an Aerial Yoga class - which I feel completely in love with.  Check out a clip of my favorite "trick" here.

So far, I'm pretty obsessed with this challenge, and I'm going to try my best to post about it on here as often as I can.  Feel free to subscribe to this blog or follow my complete journey on social media when you subscribe to one of the platforms on the right (or below if you're on a mobile device).

Only 95 days to go!  Comment below to let me know if you're taking the challenge too!

-jennilea