This Is Where My Life Is: A Pictorial

My wonderful - amazing - incredible boyfriend, Brian.  To wake up each morning to a prayer by text is indescribable.  Praying together. Growing in God together.  These are the things in my relationship I value the most. There are times we can't stop talking to one another - and other times we sit in silence and just enjoy the company of one another.  My heart sure does enjoy him. <3

My sweet girl. My princess. I am so blessed beyond measure to be able to continue a relationship with this love. Each moment I get with her is incredible and I cherish far beyond measure. She is so smart and getting so big. I can hardly believe she was just nearly 2 when I met her. She will be 10 this year. Time sure does fly. 

The puppy - Oh man do I love my pup.  Cobie is absolutely incredible.  So smart - and definitely keeps me entertained.  

Then there is my giiiirrrrl.  My PIC.  She has been a constant encouragement in my life and always points me back to God when I need it - Plus we go on a ton of adventures so that's neat.  I love her so much. :]

My Juanita - whom I have grown incredibly close with so fast. She loves monopoly and will wait 2.5 hours with me to get a cup of free coffee from Dutch Brothers.  She loves Jesus, helps me stay sane when I feel like I'm freaking out over dumb things, and is just an overall amazing person.  Through Brian, I've gained another sister - whom I cherish so deeply.









My friends who have become my family. Brian's family is the kind of family I have always prayed for - huge and super close. Along with him, I've gained them.  Bri, Toni, and Sarah have become the girls I spend most of my time with.  They each have their amazing points:

Bri was the first person in Brian's family I really connected with.  She is hilarious - and also helps me feel better when I freak out over dumb things.  lol.  She's incredible, and I can't wait to spoil mini mimi in a few months. 
:]

Toni was the first person I met in Brian's family and it was an instant welcome.  She was kind, excited, and I absolutely love having her has a friend, family member, and cardio buddy.  She da best..

Sarah's bangs are bangin' and her eyebrows are always on point.  She is blunt - to the point - and I love it.  One of the strongest personalities I know, and just a ton of fun. Plus we both love Marilyn.  I love getting to know her - and just being around her.

Nikki has been through it all with me - enough to build an incredibly strong friendship.  I've seen her grow a ton in the last few months - and she's seen the same from me.  She is incredible, strong, and I am so proud of who she has become and all of the wonderful things she is doing.

Christina - I don't get to see her nearly enough, but she is that friend who stays solid throughout time.  I can pick up the phone at any moment, and things continue where they left off.  She keeps my head straight and makes sure I don't jump into things - while also encouraging that I jump into adventure!  It's because of her that I have such a great passion for going anywhere and doing as much as I can in life.  In short, she is awesome. 

My older seesters.  I love them.  Tara is one of the smartest people I know.  She is hilarious - and I want to be like her when I grow up.
Nicoleon sends me bear jokes and makes me laugh.  I admire her strength.  She tight.  
My two older sisters are probably my role models.  I look up to them in pretty much all areas of life.












Panda.  :]  This is one of those long distance friendships that manages to still connect like family.  I love her - and am so proud to see what she is making of her life.  She has truly risen from the lowest points to be successful and an amazing mother to her two little ones.








The rest of my life consists of games, lifting, church, and my wonderful job.  I love where life is right now.  I feel blessed to have such incredible, amazing people around me.  

I get to work full time in a ministry where God uses me each day to be the hands and feet of K-LOVE and Air1 - in a way I am so passionate about!

I am surrounded by amazing women (and men) who train incredibly hard at The Dungeon and see such extreme results!  I am inspired by Katie Felix who has made the most incredible changes in her body.  I am encouraged by Jamie, who pushes me to the vary breaking point during all of my workouts.

1 year ago - I didn't realize life could ever be this cool.

Purpose

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why." 

- Mark Twain

I've heard this quote many times before, but these words didn't mean much to me until I heard them again just a few weeks ago.

In 2010, God put a desire on my heart to put a youth conference together called Fuel the Fire.  After almost a year of fundraising, booking, scheduling, practicing, promoting, etc. the event finally came together.  We had over 500 people attend from all over California.  75 dedicated their lives to God that night.  The altar was filled with countless people who had a life changing experience that night.  At that point in my life, I really wanted to be on stage - singing for Jesus, not working behind the scenes.  However, this night changed everything. 

During altar call, I went to the back of the building we were using to just take in what God was doing that night.  I took this photo in complete awe at what He has used me for.  This event was bigger than anything I could have ever imagined; it had a real impact on lives - bringing people closer to who God wanted them to be.

Right after taking this photo, I realized what God wanted me to do.  Suddenly, putting events together had become my passion.  I especially loved booking and promoting. 

In the middle of my paramedic program at ARC, I switched to a major that would bring me closer to doing what I had become so passionate about:  Music Business. 

I was starting over - but it was completely okay because I knew where I was going.  I didn't exactly know how God had planned for me to get there - but I knew He had it covered.

Fast forward 5 years:  Just a few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to bring Air1 to the My City youth conference at Capital Christian.  During Hillsong Young and Free's worship set, I decided to snap a few photos of the event to add to our social media.  After taking this photo, I looked at it and had a moment of realization:  I'm right where God wants me to be - Doing the exact thing he had set a fire in me to do.  I am blessed with the opportunity to be used by Him daily in a full time ministry - working with music, connecting with people, and being led by God to make a difference in the lives of our listeners.

I feel such peace and joy;  I feel overwhelmingly blessed to be able to do something I am so incredibly passionate about - knowing I am right where He wants me to be.

God has such an incredible purpose for each of our lives.  There are no words to describe the feeling of knowing what that purpose is - and this is only the beginning of the wonderful things He is doing in my life.

On that note, I leave you with my favorite verse:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. " -Jeremiah 29:11 

-jennilea

"Your voice will save you."

"Authentic love does not devalue another human being" - Brooke Axtell 

Before Katy Perry's emotional Grammy performance of "By The Grace of God," Brooke Axtell, sex trafficking and domestic violence survivor and activist, gave probably the most heartwrenching and real speach.  With intense passion and desperation, she spoke out:  "Authentic love does not devalue another human being. Authentic love does not silence, shame or abuse. If you're in a relationship with someone who does not honor or respect you, I want you to know you are worthy of love. Please reach out for help."

Her speech, coupled with Perry's performance, left me speechless and in this ocean of emotion.  I related to everything - and I know I'm not alone in that.  I started researching the lyrics to "By The Grace of God."  This is the first song I've felt connected to - that described what I've been through in such a real way.

"Was full of secrets locked up tight...Running on empty so out of gas."  Yes.  When you're in this place where you feel like you can't speak - there is no one to talk to about what you're facing because you've sort of alienated yourself from people.  It felt like I'd be a burden, or I feared their reaction if I didn't do what they thought I should do (knowing their advice was best for me - even if it wasn't easy).  After a while, you're just worn;  Tired of keeping secrets and going through it alone.  You feel lost and trapped.  I felt like this was my life - a product of my decisions and I deserved what I was getting. On top of that, I was constantly told it was my fault as it was happening. At some point, you just start believing it. 

"Thought I wasn't enough.  Found I wasn't so tough.  Layin' on the bathroom floor."  This line spoke to me the most because it literally did replay a story to me:

*Warning - this story is graphic*

One night, he was drinking. I thought the best idea would be for me to sleep. That way, he couldn't get upset - he wouldn't think I was nagging if I asked him to slow down. I just thought it would be better for everyone.  He woke me up anyway, and was furious. He had found one of my "I love Mr. Pickles" T-Shirts from when I had worked there for a few months.  He was insisting that Mr. Pickles was this real person who I was seeing behind his back.  He choked me as I laid on the bed, then kicked me off onto the ground where he continued to hit, kick, and choke me again.  He finally walked away, and I found a hiding place, for the first time:  The bathroom floor.  It was the only room in the house with a lock, and as he banged on the door, I was lying on the floor praying he wouldn't break through as I made my first 911 call for help.  I truly believe if I didn't call them, I would not have made it through that night.  He began banging on the door even harder as he realized what I was doing - screaming all kinds of names and profanities at me.  Suddenly, it stopped.  I sat there in tears on the phone with the operator who stayed on the line with me the whole time, and advised I don't leave the bathroom, even to open the door for the police because we had no idea if he was in the household at that point.  

I heard a knock on the bathroom door.  I was shaking as I quietly answered, "Yes?"  I held my breath as I awaited the response.  "This is the police, we're here to help you."  I let out a huge sigh and just started bawling.  I was safe.  I was going to be okay.  

They spoke to me about domestic violence and gave me paperwork on different programs that could help me.  

I didn't take their advice that day.  I should have, but I didn't.  He always had a way of making me believe he would be better - that he would be different.

If anyone else finds themselves in this position - please take their advice.  Get help.  Get out.

Which brings me to the next line of the song:

"By the grace of God - I picked myself back up.  I put one foot in front of the other and I looked in the mirror and decided to stay."

Each time something happened, the only way I know I was able to continue moving forward was by the grace of God.  He carried me through every outburst, every incident. It was in His perfect love that I was able to find any sort of joy in life. 

"Now every morning, there is no more mourning. I can finally see myself again."

So much truth. I don't have those mornings where I wake up feeling such complete brokenness. I don't have to question why I'm still living. Instead, I feel freedom, peace, and a real passion and excitement for life again. I feel like myself rather than as if I were fighting each day for normalcy - just to make it through one more night. I don't have to search for the silver linings and happiness; It's there already as I see God working all throughout my life - healing every piece that was shattered. 
"I know I am enough. Possible to be loved. It was not about me. Now I have to rise above...the truth'll set you free."

I am enough. God bought me (and all of us) at such a high price. We are all so precious and deserving of a Christ-like love. We are worth dying for. I am worth dying for. 

Now I can take these horror stories I lived though, be open and real about them, and allow God to use my life and my story to help bring other to freedom. 

In freedom, I am no longer a victim, I am an overcommer and there is such beauty that has come out of the brokenness of what I have overcome. 

If you have gone through or are currently going through something like this - I know it's not easy to speak up in what your going through, but please know, just as Brooke Axtell said, "your voice will save you." Talk to someone, anyone. Get help. Life can be so much better than the nightmare you've been living. 

I encourage you to check out the article I read, which gave an incredible overview of the heart of Brooke Axtell's message and Katy Perry's performance: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2945421/Domestic-violence-survivor-sex-trafficked-7-year-old-Texas-male-nanny-gives-speech-alongside-Katy-Perry-Grammys.html 

Rise up. Get help. Speak out. 

-jennilea