I wrote myself a letter nearly 3 years ago...

In my Day Zero Project, I had challenged myself to write a letter and open it after my project.  I am so happy I did this:

Dear future Jenni,

You are probably just as awesome now as you were in 2012.  I hope you don't have kids yet, because there are still things to do and future me will slap you.  I hope you completed the list - it is a lot to do, but completely worth it!  Congrats on you AA!  Keep working hard at Sac State and graduate soon!  None of this 5 years at Sac State crap.  Graduate and move on!  Now that your 1001 days is over, complete any goals you may not have finished - hopefully there will be none left.  Keep traveling.  Next big trip...Italy only.  Keep exploring.  Do as much as you can before officially settling down.  Is How I Met Your Mother still on?  That show will remain awesome forever.  The most important thing over the next 2.75 years is that your relationship with God grows.  Never stop growing in Him - because He is pretty awesome.  Depend on Him - ALWAYS!  I hope nothing difficult is bringing you down, and if it is, you will get through it.  Hang onto the lifeline of Jesus Christ.  Keep on keepin' on and stay awesome.  Say "hi" to Steven and Jadelynn for you.  Wow - Jadelynn is like 9 by now - weird.  And you are 24 - and Steven is 28.  Crazy!!!  Have fun times, future Jenni.

<3 Past Jenni

Well, some things never change.   For example, I'm still awesome.  Ha!  

There are many things in this letter to comment on.  First, I had a detail wrong.  Steven is 29, not 28.  

Next, past me was right on the money about not having kids yet.  Later in the letter when past me says "before officially settling down," I was also referring to having children.  My mind is still on that same thought.  There are so many things to do - and I definitely have wanderlust still...and, of course, I am slightly less married than I was when I wrote this letter.  

Past me congratulated future me on my AA - even writing this before I was done at ARC, so that was neat.  I also like that I told myself to push through Sac State - which I've been doing.  I graduate in December, after attending Sac state for only 3 semesters, so I didn't let myself down there.

Next, past me told future me to go to Italy next - and used the word "only" because I tend to overbook my life (as many already know), and I really want to enjoy this trip.  Interestingly enough, a few months ago, I made the decision to go to Italy this coming summer!  It's my graduation gift to myself. :]

Of course past me would mention How I Met Your Mother - It's still my favorite show, even though it's over now.

Finally - past me told future me to always rely on God.  That never changed.  Even in going through the hardest points in my life, I never stopped relying on Him to carry me though.  

The interesting thing here is that, though none of you may pick up on it, even in this letter - in this time, I was very uncertain on my relationship.  When past me said "I hope nothing difficult is bringing you down,"  This was code for saying I hoped my husband had really quit drinking, wasn't being abusive, and that everything would finally be how a marriage was supposed to be.  We never got there - but that's okay.  I've turned into a stronger person.  Over the last 2.75 years, I grew fearless in an entirely different way:  I became fearless enough to leave my unhealthy marriage and seek more for myself. 

Going through this letter was definitely a neat experience.  

In other news, there is a city in Turkey called "Batman."

Find more So True Facts online here.

-jennilea

Welcome to the new normal!

Six months ago, I wrote a blog called Transparency: This will explain a lot.  This was a huge deal for me, because it was the first time I opened up about the experiences I've had with domestic violence and infidelity.  Being a pretty private person (when it comes to my personal life/relationships), it was incredibly hard to let all of this out.  That being said, I can honestly say that I've never regretted the decision I made to tell all of you lovely people what happened.  It helped me feel heard.  It helped me feel like I wasn't going crazy.  As I wrote down and relived some of the worst moments of my life - it helped me come to terms with what happened.  It helped me heal.

Recently, domestic violence has been a hot topic in NFL news; While it is unfortunate it's had to come up in such a way, I sure am happy that it's opened up some sort of conversation.  What really stood out to me in all of this though, it the amount of backlash people who stay in abusive relationships received.  Yes - it's not the best idea, and most people don't want to or enjoy being slapped around - but I guarantee it is hardly ever as simple as just leaving.  Every person has a story - a situation you may not know anything about.  

With the backlash came a campaign that I was able to really get behind.  #WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft began trending on Twitter, where several women shared their stories in 140 characters or less.  This built an incredible community of support and encouragement.  I wasn't alone.  None of us were.  Furthermore, we weren't victims, we were overcomers.  

My contribution to the campaign:

I separated who he was when he drank & who he was when sober.I didn't want to be a failure if there was a chance this wasn't him #whyistayed  

I realized I am valuable. #whyileft

The freedom I felt in writing this is indescribable. The community and support received was amazing.

Six months ago, I started my blog off by saying: "One day, I know I will wake up and feel normal, but until then, I will keep pressing on, living life, feeling, trusting God, and having as much adventure as possible."

When I wrote these words, I had no idea what "normal" meant.  I didn't realize it, but in that moment, I connected that feeling with how I felt with the ex. If that is feeling "normal," then praise God I will never feel "normal" again!  Welcome to the "new normal," Jennilea!  It is far better than I could have ever imagined.  I feel like "me" again.  Excited, happy, driven, determined, adventurous, peace, joy, laughter, and completely - 100% healed!  My heart has been stitched back together and is held so intensely by the love of Jesus.  I also refuse to accept the "victim" title.  Nope.  I am an overcomer, and I am awesome.   

Finally:  I have completed my Day Zero Project!  101 things completed in 1001 days and I could not be more proud!  I had the wonderful opportunity to experience and learn so much.  I also had the opportunity to open up a letter I had written for myself when I first began this challenge.  I will be sharing that letter, the last few experiences, and what I've learned in the next few blogs I post - so keep checking back!

In other news: Deviating from my normal "fun" fact, I feel it is only fitting to mention that if you or someone you know is in an (emotionally, verbally, psychologically, or physically) abusive relationship, I encourage you to check out The National Domestic Violence Hotline.  They are available 24/7 and can get you help.  Staying is never your only option.

-jennilea