Welcome to the new normal!

Six months ago, I wrote a blog called Transparency: This will explain a lot.  This was a huge deal for me, because it was the first time I opened up about the experiences I've had with domestic violence and infidelity.  Being a pretty private person (when it comes to my personal life/relationships), it was incredibly hard to let all of this out.  That being said, I can honestly say that I've never regretted the decision I made to tell all of you lovely people what happened.  It helped me feel heard.  It helped me feel like I wasn't going crazy.  As I wrote down and relived some of the worst moments of my life - it helped me come to terms with what happened.  It helped me heal.

Recently, domestic violence has been a hot topic in NFL news; While it is unfortunate it's had to come up in such a way, I sure am happy that it's opened up some sort of conversation.  What really stood out to me in all of this though, it the amount of backlash people who stay in abusive relationships received.  Yes - it's not the best idea, and most people don't want to or enjoy being slapped around - but I guarantee it is hardly ever as simple as just leaving.  Every person has a story - a situation you may not know anything about.  

With the backlash came a campaign that I was able to really get behind.  #WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft began trending on Twitter, where several women shared their stories in 140 characters or less.  This built an incredible community of support and encouragement.  I wasn't alone.  None of us were.  Furthermore, we weren't victims, we were overcomers.  

My contribution to the campaign:

I separated who he was when he drank & who he was when sober.I didn't want to be a failure if there was a chance this wasn't him #whyistayed  

I realized I am valuable. #whyileft

The freedom I felt in writing this is indescribable. The community and support received was amazing.

Six months ago, I started my blog off by saying: "One day, I know I will wake up and feel normal, but until then, I will keep pressing on, living life, feeling, trusting God, and having as much adventure as possible."

When I wrote these words, I had no idea what "normal" meant.  I didn't realize it, but in that moment, I connected that feeling with how I felt with the ex. If that is feeling "normal," then praise God I will never feel "normal" again!  Welcome to the "new normal," Jennilea!  It is far better than I could have ever imagined.  I feel like "me" again.  Excited, happy, driven, determined, adventurous, peace, joy, laughter, and completely - 100% healed!  My heart has been stitched back together and is held so intensely by the love of Jesus.  I also refuse to accept the "victim" title.  Nope.  I am an overcomer, and I am awesome.   

Finally:  I have completed my Day Zero Project!  101 things completed in 1001 days and I could not be more proud!  I had the wonderful opportunity to experience and learn so much.  I also had the opportunity to open up a letter I had written for myself when I first began this challenge.  I will be sharing that letter, the last few experiences, and what I've learned in the next few blogs I post - so keep checking back!

In other news: Deviating from my normal "fun" fact, I feel it is only fitting to mention that if you or someone you know is in an (emotionally, verbally, psychologically, or physically) abusive relationship, I encourage you to check out The National Domestic Violence Hotline.  They are available 24/7 and can get you help.  Staying is never your only option.

-jennilea

Experiencing Happiness!

90 things done - 73 days remaining:  http://dayzeroproject.com/user/jennileam/list/43740.

Recently, I've lit fireworks (thanks to Bri and Jimmy for that), rode the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland, and got my pup!  

This is Cobie - and he is absolutely perfect.  People told me that having a puppy would be a hard thing, but it really is not as bad as they made it sound - which is wonderful.  

I've learned pretty quickly that a puppy is as good as you train it to be.  He needs to be set up for success.  It's like having a child.  You don't leave your kids around things they can destroy or hurt themselves with, and when you do see them get into the wrong things, you correct it.  I take Cobie with me everywhere!  He loves people, and does really well around the animals he has met, so far.

We play a lot!  He is extremely active, and that keeps me active.  He loves cuddles, and since my life is now lacking that, I do not mind cuddling him.  HA!  We have training sessions each day and he is excelling in "stay" and "sit."  As he begins puppy classes, I hope he learns more just as quickly as he has picked up the first two commands.  We have a mini grooming session each day too, which consists of cleaning his ears, brushing his teeth, brushing his fur, and touching his eyes, paws, and gums so he gets used to that sort of thing for his vet and future groomer.  Yep...definitely like having a kid.  He is perfect.

I've got 11 more things to complete - including the need to add 1 more item to my list - so bring on the ideas!

Next topic:  Happiness.

I was hanging out with a friend, when a guy came up smelling completely of alcohol.  I am positive the man is an alcoholic (confirmed by the same friend).  The smell is sickening and all too familiar.  That smell, the craziness of that lifestyle - it's no longer part of my life.  I'm free.  I found that I don't need to place my worth in people, and instead find it in God.  The fact that, to Him, I am worth dying for.

I no longer have to search hard to find something to make me smile.  Happy things are all around.  I can breathe without fear.  I no longer feel sadness over my situation, but instead hope for what is coming.  My heart is healing and God is helping me rebuild and giving me perfect peace.  I am rediscovering things I am passionate about and working hard to achieve my goals.  I have the love and support of tons of amazing friends and family members.

In short, I am experiencing happiness.  Not fake, smile just to get through the day, happiness - but real honest excitement for life and for my future.

Life is beautiful.

In other news:  "You breathe on average about 5 million times a year."

(Read more cool facts here.)

-jennilea