Grateful

For the first time in my life, I've struggled to find things to be grateful for while facing some very dark times. 

I've struggled in processing through pain, and have not trusted God with the hurts I was facing. I got stuck in bitterness, anger, sadness, anxiety...I was depressed. It was the most terrifying place to be in because I didn't know if or when it would end. 

Something happened to someone very special to me. The worst possible thing I could have ever imagined. When I experience tough things, my outlet is to write about it, but this isn't my story to tell. So how do I process through the most heartbreaking news when I can't even talk about it? How can things ever be made right after tragedy? And why the heck are all the bad things deciding to happen all at the same time?

The weight of it all is so heavy. It hurts and I feel like I'm breathing underwater, fighting for even just a small gasp of air.

I'm not the only one trying to process through things though. People all over the world are going through things. It's apparent on the news, in the lives of my friends, on my social media feeds - things just feel so broken. Are they always going to feel so broken?

Everything is just...sad. How can you be grateful when everything around you is just a mess?

In church last Sunday, one of our Pastors was talking about change and growth; in order to grow, you have to change. "Not all change causes growth, but all growth requires change." Things have certainly changed, but it's how we react to that change that either holds us back or produces growth. Our Pastor also mentioned that if we didn't like how life felt in that moment, then we need to ask God what areas He wants us to grow in. This isn't necessarily easy, and the process could most certainly hurt. This resonated with me in such a huge way. 

I think I knew my prayer life was lacking, and God used one person...one Sunday service to point out that I need to have a chat with Jesus. 

Over the past week, I've been in constant prayer both on my own and with others. I've focused on disconnecting from social media and things that don't have much positive impact on my life. I've stopped comparing myself and the relationships I have with others. For one week, I've focused on Jesus and the incredibly beautiful things He has blessed me with. 

I am grateful. 

I am grateful for morning, but more grateful to go to sleep. I am gateful for late night talks and spontaneous hangouts. I am grateful for people who speak life into my life and into the lives of others. I am grateful for prayer, growth, and healthy communication with Brian. I am grateful for the church and work family that I have, who has held me up in prayer constantly.  I am grateful that "this too shall pass" and for each and every promise God has given us. I am grateful for strength in my body that decides to show up through running, aerial yoga, weight training, boxing, etc. I am grateful for the people who inspire me, and that I'm able to return the favor as well. I am grateful for the outpouring of love and support I see people giving each other....

I am just, grateful. 

It's been over a month since I last felt like myself, and I am finally feeling better! I'm grateful that pain is just a season  and I choose to praise God though all parts of life.

As we continue forward through this storm, I pray for more bright spots - and I would love if you'd pray with me too.

-jennilea

100 Days & Counting

I woke up on Friday, and it was an interesting feeling knowing that I had an actual choice to workout.  The 100 Days of Fitness challenge was complete, and through the thing I told myself that I would take day 101 off. When I got there though, I didn't want to take a day off. For the last 100 days I've told myself that there would be no excuses not to workout, so as day 101 approached I found that I've conditioned myself to that mindset.  I still don't have excuses, so I'm still going strong.

What does that mean now?  I am not limiting myself to any number of days, I'm just going to keep going.  As for the videos, I'm not going to be posting daily because it is really kind of a hassle, especially when I'm in the gym on my own.  But when I do cool/different things, I'll definitely be posting, but probably more on Snapchat than any other outlet - so follow me @JennileaL if you don't already!

Now, the moment you've all been waiting for...my results:

I didn't take measurements the day I started, which is a bummer! The only measurements I have are from about 8 weeks ago, so I know I've lost more than what I have documented, but here is what I have from that point:
Weight Loss:  19 lbs
Inches from 8 weeks ago to now:
Hips: -3 inches
Thighs: -2 inches on each side
Arms: -1 inch off of each arm
Chest: - 1 inch
Glutes: - 2 inches
Calves: -.75 inches on each side.

The photo on the lefts side was taken in September of last year. From the time that photo was taken to the beginning of my 100 day challenge, I had gained about 6 lbs - so I was actually in worse shape by then.

Today, I am confident and so incredibly proud of the changes I've made, the new habits I've formed, and the "no excuses" mentality I've adapted to.  My new motto is definitely that "discipline always wins over motivation," which is something my trainer Jamie has instilled in me.  It's completely true too!  There were several days where I didn't have the motivation to go, but the discipline from this challenge was enough to get me off the couch and into the gym!  This challenge has been completely life-changing for me.

Thanks for following my journey!  I'll be sure to keep updating you along the way as I continue to make changes!  If you're looking to see some results, start the challenge.  It may feel impossible, but I promise it can be done...and it's completely worth it. :)

-jennilea